Lost

Silence

   I don't think there's ever been a point in my life where silence filled the room. If there was silence, it was very short-lived. It's unnatural for it to last this long. If it wasn't quiet, we were messing around town, messaging each other, laughing and joking in each other's rooms, and so much more...I hate the silence, being in the silence means I'm stuck in a never-ending loop of thoughts, memories, and feelings. I can't even listen to music without wanting to cry myself to sleep or scream until I lose my voice, even if I did scream, it wouldn't fill the endless void of nothingness and silence. I can barely sleep at night because I think of her lifeless body, just laying there on the ground as she bled out, it's all I see when I think of that day, whenever I close my eyes.

   Mom's been trying to find a therapist for me so I can talk about what happened, I'm hoping it might help a little but I don't even know if I'll be able to talk without choking up immediately. Just one simple thought makes me teary-eyed and I have to try my best to hold it back, one tear turns into an ocean behind my dull, dusty blue eyes. I can't stop it, I want it to stop but I can't. I'm never gonna be able to get to the silence, it's too loud, nothing can fix the fact that she's gone or that nothing can change how loud the silence is when she isn't here to make it go away.