Returning from winter break, Sage Kimberly is looking forward to completing her final year of college with no unnecessary distractions. With very high standards for love she seems sure no one can ever meet, she's focused on four things only, school...
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•Friday March 18th•
'Amore, if you keep pushing people away, they're going to leave,' Rome's voice echoes in my head for what I'm sure is the millionth time today.
'So we can figure this out together, if you're still in this,'
'If someone waits for you to change and how you act, that's love so don't lose sight of it," My mom's voice runs around my head.
'You can't make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings and situations,' my mom's voice belows in my head over and over again.
'Don't compare your current relationship to your previous one's. The thoughts and trauma of those should stay in the past, don't carry them with you in the present,'
Her and Rome's voice have been haunting me non stop. They work simultaneously in my head and it's kinda creepy.
My pen trembles in my hand as I finish answering the last question in my last exam paper. I place it down, close my eyes and try calm myself.
What the hell am I doing, honestly? I've messed up the most important relationship I have right now because I can't deal with my own shit. Because I let my fear of growing up hit me hard. Because I keep comparing my past relationships with my current one and they're not even similar in any way. I'm pathetic, like what am I even saying, growing up is inevitable and I know that, now why can't I seem to understand that.
I open my eyes, remembering I'm in an exam room. I cross check all my answers and close the paper once again as I lean back on my chair to think about the damage I've caused.
I'm going to lose Rome if I keep this up and him and I both know it. That's what he was practically telling me the other day. I mean I wouldn't blame him, I'm acting immature as fuck, won't talk to him about anything and I plainly have been a shitty girlfriend this week. He's taken a step back from this, is it a good thing? Definitely.
I'm thinking about the actual fact that I will lose him if I continue acting like this. He wants me to make the effort if I still want this relationship. I still want this relationship with all my heart, I just need to figure out how I'm going to approach him about all this. I'm not going to text or call him to apologize because he doesn't deserve that. It's a crappy thing to do from me, tbh it would be disrespectful to do this to the man I lov-
Woah wait, hold the fuck up.
'What did I just say? Oh my gosh,' I say internally as I bury my face in my hands.
Whoever watching me right now, sure is entertained.
I mean, I have known this for awhile now, but I always felt too nervous to say it out loud because, What if I'm moving too fast with it? What if he's not there yet?
Today's the last day of exams and college in general because we're going for spring break and I'm going to talk to Rome right now, after this exam before I lose my mind thinking about the consequences of my actions that I still haven't made any attempt to correct my mistakes. I don't deserve him but I'm going to work for it, because I don't want to lose him. Because I love him and in love with him.
