Dots and Zeros [Completed]

35. Madeline

I knock on the door of the third bedroom.

'Yeah?'

'Can I come in?' I ask.

'Sure.'

I push the door handle down and open the door slightly. I peek my head around and look into the room. The curtains are closed. The only light comes from the small lamp on the nightstand.

'Hey,' I say.

Julian sits with his back against the headboard of the bed. His legs are stretched out under the covers. I interrupted him in the middle of writing in a black notebook.

'Am I interrupting?' I ask.

'Technically yes,' he says. 'But I can continue later.'

He closes the notebook before I say anything. He keeps it on his lap, and holds it in place with one hand. With the other he pats on the empty side of the bed.

'Have a seat,' he says.

I walk in the room and close the door behind me. I sit down on the bed with my back against the headboard. I stretch my legs next to his on top of the covers.

'How are you?' he asks.

'I'm fine,' I say. 'You?'

'Also fine. I know it's weird I'm here.'

'It is a little, isn't it?'

'Yeah.'

He chuckles and puts the notebook and pen on the nightstand on his side.

'How have you been?' he asks. 'I have to say, you did a good job with Sam from what I can tell.'

'Thanks. It's not always as good as it now seems, though.'

'No?'

'No. You know, this whole thing regarding you... I messed that up.'

'I heard you came to New York to get her. What happened?'

I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes.

'Sam left early in the morning with their friend, Eugene, to go to New York,' I say. 'They didn't reply to any calls or texts. I didn't even know they were going to New York.'

'Why's that?'

'We had a fight literally the day before.'

'I see.'

'I started to panic because, initially, I had no idea where they went. Eventually me and Ramona went to New York together to look for them.'

'Who's Ramona?'

'A colleague. She's really nice.'

He hums. I open my eyes again and lift my head away from the wall.

'Anyway,' I say. 'We found the two in a coffee place by sheer luck. We arrived home that same afternoon. In hindsight, I might have wanted to talk to them before dragging them out of that Starbucks.'

'Sounds like a difficult situation.'

'It was,' I admit.

'What do you do for work now?'

'I work at a place that calculates the most efficient ways for transport. Exciting stuff, I know.'

'It sounds like something you'd be good at.'

I glance at him before returning my gaze to the blank wall before us. This bedroom is just a bed and to nightstands. It's fine for guests, and neither Sam nor I use it for anything. It doesn't need to be all dresses up.

'It is,' I say. 'The colleagues are great, too. Tobias has definitely been a big help.'

'Ooooh, who's that?'

I laugh.

'Just my desk mate.'

'Just a desk mate?'

'Maybe a little more. I don't know.'

'I knew it.'

'He asked me out for tomorrow evening.'

'You're going?'

'I am.'

'Look at you.'

'I'm sure you have a hard time choosing the ladies, don't you?'

'No, actually.'

I look at him with raised eyebrows.

'I don't date anymore,' he says. 'I know we dated, so don't take it personal when I say that I don't think I feel those type of feelings. The romantic ones.'

'Oh,' I say. 'That's fine, too, I guess.'

'Yeah, I don't have a problem with it. To be honest, I think I was just intrigued by you, as a person. And your looks. Just not in that way.'

I hum.

'How have you spent the past fifteen years?' I ask.

'I'm still painting. I never stopped,' he says. 'The tempo went down a lot, though.'

'How so?'

'It got exhausting. To constantly be going and going and going. At one point I was so tired I couldn't drag myself out of bed. It wasn't a good sign.'

'That sounds awful.'

'Says you, the other workaholic in this room.'

'I know, I know.'

He laughs.

'What have you been up to?' he asks.

'Working and parenting. That's it.'

'Did you move here after you left?'

'No, we went to Florida. Then Texas. Arizona. California.'

'You moved around a lot?'

'Yeah.'

'Why is that?'

'I tend to overwork myself,' I explain. 'And then burn out. And then get fired because of irresponsible behavior after a couple of cycles.'

'And then you move to a different state.'

'Yeah. And Sam gets dragged along every time. I might have a problem.'

'Don't say it like that.'

'What else do you call it?'

'No comment.'

I chuckle and cross my ankles. I put my hands under my thighs to warm them up.

'Why did you move?' I ask.

'You know I moved?'

'When Ramona and I went to New York I started at our old place. I figured you'd still be there. It's a great apartment. You know, Mr. Jones still lives there.'

'For real? The old fart is still there?'

'Yes, for real. And even older than before.'

'I didn't think he'd still be alive.'

'Me neither. I was surprised when I saw his name on the mailbox. But why'd you move?'

'I wanted a different scenery. This was right around the time I slowed down working. I needed to change my life. In a sense, you made me realize that. Leaving me made me think about the ways I spend my time.'

'You're welcome, I guess.'

We sit next to each other in silence for a while. But it doesn't feel awkward anymore like it did earlier today. It doesn't feel like it used to, obviously. I don't know if it ever will again. But this is nice. I don't mind this.