Fragmented

Chapter Five

When her parents honked at their parting and disappeared through the opaque abundance of trees, Agnes stood silent on the wooden porch, not even bothering to wave.

She had barely uttered a word since she had eavesdropped on her oblivious parents, nor had she been engaged in their flimsy dialogues.

When she stepped back over the threshold, the house appeared derelict. It was not because Agnes was used to a lot of noise, because the past days had faded away in a hushed silence. Still, a veil seemed to have dropped on the house.

Agnes had not expected silence could be so loud.

Every step resounded through the empty rooms and it interfered with Agnes' impermeability.

It dawned on her then, that she was alone.

Her parents were gone. They had not only abandoned the house, they had left her along with it. She was no longer their little girl. She had made sure they knew she could take care of herself. Now, she had to prove the truthfulness behind that bold statement.

The truth, however, was she had to prove it to herself as much as them.

She stepped into the kitchen. It was quiet.

The olive green cabinets with detailed flowers decorating the corners stood bright in the yellow light from the sun. The curtains lulled in the soft breeze from the window.

At sixteen and eleven months, Agnes had no clue who she was. Her life seemed strange to her now. The girl she had been back in England was not the girl standing in the dated kitchen in Austria.

Agnes had always thought of herself as a specific kind of person. Defined her personality by what she thought others expected her to be; what she should be.

Never had she considered whether that was really her.

Who was she?

She was so used to following the crowd. Adjusting to the idea people already had of her. Life was easier that way. Pleasing others had become a way of life for her.

That plan had crumbled at her father's words. No longer could she see sense in following the path others laid out for her.

Her eyes glazed over.

She did not even see the trail anymore.

It was as if she looked up from her feet for the first time and had to find a way of her own. The dark tunnel of unknown consequences every decision she made could launch, was overwhelming.

That same darkness had never bothered her before; she had never looked up. Had never felt so completely alone.

An invisible hand had always held hers, making sure she walked steadily through life.

The love her father had given her had always made her feel safe and secure. Nothing bad could reach her as long as that well known blanket cocooned her soul. Now, she fumbled desperately in the darkness, panicky and glassy eyed.

She had to find her own way.

There was no one left to hold her hand. She had made sure of that. No more could Agnes escape her thoughts by blaming her parents for filling the air with toxins. She was left to herself, and there were no more excuses that would let her escape her own mind.

The chills ran like cold drops of water down her spine. For what seemed like the very first time, she was alone with her thoughts and found herself anticipating Chris' arrival with much less dread than she had the days prior.