i can go anywhere i want (just not home)

"i'm just the idiot"

"How are things going with MJ?"

"They're okay," Peter says, poking at his food with a fork, "are you and Yelena seriously over? Like, over over?"

"I think so," Kate says, head finally feeling clear enough to hold on to a thought. She ignores how most of those thoughts are sad and wishing to be drowned in alcohol again and instead just tries to focus on the world around her.

"What do you mean you think so? You're broken up with or you're not," Peter responds, putting his food down and instead grabbing a crab rangoon out of an open container.

"She said that if it was meant to be, we'd find our way back to each other," Kate sighs, not even bothering to pretend to eat her food anymore. "Do you remember when the Avengers first came together?"

Peter nods, "I was eleven. Maybe ten, I don't remember if my birthday passed yet. It was crazy."

"I thought they were amazing," Kate chuckles dryly, staring down at her lap, "I saw Clint and I just... I knew that was what I was supposed to be doing. And like, my dad died that day and it was terrible, but I thought that there was no way anything like that would happen again if they were around to protect us. And I thought that when I'd get older, I'd be just like them. Badass and protecting people."

Kate huffs, grabbing her half-empty water bottle off the table, "You fought with them. You know all of this already."

Peter shrugs, "I did. But I lost things, too. It's not a fun life, Mr. Stark tried to help me with that for a long time. Even though I lost both my parents before I could even walk, he tried to protect me."

"My mom tried to protect me and she went to prison," Kate rolls her eyes, "It's all horseshit."

"It can't all be horseshit," Peter responds, "Because then Thanos was right. I deserved to turn to dust in 2018 and I shouldn't be here right now. But I'm here, and I think I should try to make the best of that."

"I'm not saying you shouldn't," Kate picks at the wrapper on her water bottle, "I'm just saying... maybe my mom was right. Maybe I'm not a hero. Maybe I'm just meant to take on the company and marry someone and have a kid that can take on the company and rinse and repeat. Maybe archery was just something I won awards for."

"You kicked the Kingpin's ass," Peter points out, grabbing his dinner again and twirling noodles around his fork, "That wasn't for nothing."

"Maya's still out there, Peter! And if she's anything like him, then what did I do any of this for? There's still a fucking mafia-"

"Which you have no control over."

Kate rolls her eyes, "Then I don't deserve to be Hawkeye."

"Mr. Barton told you that he didn't deserve to be Hawkeye but that never made him any less of a Hawkeye," Peter responds, "No one comes down from the sky and pronounces you a hero. A hero is someone that fights for what's right. And if that's not being Hawkeye, that doesn't make you any less of a hero. May was my hero. Doctors are heroes. Nurses are heroes. Isn't Taylor Swift one of your heroes?"

"She's yours, too!" Kate retorts lamely, pulling the label off the water bottle completely.

"I never said she wasn't," Peter responds, "but you do understand what I'm saying, right? Things suck right now for you but things sucked last year for me and I'm still here, trying. That's all anyone wants."

"I don't understand why I can't just..." Kate hums, trying to think, "drink all of my problems away, I guess. I mean, like... c'mon. It's not like anyone's relying on me."