Step 521st

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟖, 𝟐𝟎𝐗𝐗

"I'm sorry, at this point, if ever we failed to find a donor the soonest. Youngjae won't be able to see anymore."

Those are the doctor's last words before Youngjae and his mother left his room.
It kept on ringing on his ears in every steps he take. His mother and him visited the doctor because it has been months where his vision has detoriate, they could've gone earlier but he thought that fatigue just caused it and his mother couldn't afford the fee. He's just grateful that the doctor has been treating him since when he was young gives them discount everytime he visits, and even just today the cost of the check up is already a week of his mother's cut.

The doctor has been trying to find him a donor ever since he got on the transplant list, but luck is not on his side. He had once but it failed during the operation and his eyes didn't accept it. Now they're losing hope that they will still be able to find a donor that they've been waiting for so long.

"It's fine son, we'll never know, maybe.... maybe the doctor will call us back." His mother voice cracked, he knows that she's just holding back his tears and trying hard to appear so strong in front of him. 

He remembers how sometimes his mother cries while praying for him to have a donor and how she's so worried how will he able to survive incase something happens to her, that's why Youngjae remains a positive mindset and not showing his mom any sign of weakness as he doesn't want to add more on her burdens. 

"Do you want to eat? Let's go on your favorite restaurant." He felt soft rubs on his back and he knew it was from his mom so he bit his lip to held back his tears. He took a deep breath first before he reached for his mother's hand and squeezes it gently. 

"I'm fine mother. You can go first because I still have to attend the choir training on church." He told her, carefully and slowly as he hold back himself too. 

"Are you alright? Don't you want me to come with you?"

"Mom, it's fine. I want Dakgangjeong for Dinner." Youngjae cracked a huge smile that he wished that it doesn't look so forced.

He heard a small sniff followed by a soft smooch on his forehead.

"Go home early, okay?"

Youngjae just nodded his head and waited for his mother to get on cab before he went on his way too. 

[TW: You may find the next scenes . Readers discretion advised.]

Only he didn't go to the place he said he needs to go. He went straight on the rocky cliff. 

He counted his steps until he reached his usual spot. His mind is blank now.

He couldn't think of anything, this is the first time that he felt so hopeless and it's overwhelming him. The tears he's been holding back rolled and raced down on his cheeks. He have never been this devastated, ever since he was so young he clings on the hope that one he'll be able to see, he'll be able to look at the view his Father's had always hoped for him to witness.

Then he think about the dream that he's just started to build again, goals he wants to achieve. He doesn't see a chance that his life could better than it does. He stayed at his spot while crying silently, scolding himself on why he's feeling hopeless now. He should've known. He's been blind in his entire life, he got used at darkness and little light already so he expected he won't get hurt so much when this day comes, but he was wrong.

The thought of his mother going through hard time and had to work on double shifts breaks his heart even more, he knows how she couldn't stop worrying herself about his welfare and how she just devoted her whole life taking care of him. He don't want her to suffer more.