1682022
my name is not rapunzel. i have been ordered to stay in my home indefinitely. it began during quarantine, back in march of 2020. when things eased, He would still have the excuse of how dangerous the world is. i didn't disagree, at first. i stayed home. i tried to keep my sanity. when i was at the brink of it, many months later, hanging on by a thread and counting down the days to where i would end myself, i broke and left for a few hours at a time. He let me, at first, but then dragged me back inside.
this is not about the past, this segment is about today. i do not have a sense of being. i don't know what worth it is to live and walk and try to keep myself healthy by pacing back and forth. but to lay or sit makes me feel worse. i have things to do, but no need to do them. what is the point? who will see them when i'm not allowed to see anyone? not allowed to make friends or be anywhere near men, as if that's fucking possible. the other option is to wait for time to take me. i kind of prefer the latter. but i don't want to be useless. ill try, see what happen. even when nothing matters, i want to try just for a little bit.
my dream is to have someone tell me that they see me. my biggest fear is to die not known nor appreciated.
