The Abyss

Ch.1 - A Beautiful Hanbok -

I wish this was easier. It was supposed to be easier, this is what I was raised for... so why do I want to cry so badly?

"Is this, uh.... necessary?" I grunt as my maid dresses me in a hanbok.

"Yes," she states, "you are meeting the man your father wishes to engage you to. The Young Master Nahm is from an influential family, and the only man that your father deems worthy of becoming a part of his family."

"Why does he want to arrange my engagement now?" I choke back a sob. "I am barely sixteen years old, Day!" My body betrays me and a tear runs down my cheek.

She pauses. I can see her smile become strained, like she is forcing it. "Your father is a powerful man in search of powerful allies. He knows that the most powerful alliance is one formed through marriage."

I resign myself to silence. I know that if I talk about this anymore her heart won't be able to bear it. The pain of knowing that I will be chained to a marriage I don't want to a man who will use me for children and my father's money. Her hands move with ease and perfection, like her body has memorized this.. as though she knew this was coming and she practiced for this exact moment.

When she has finished preparing my clothing, I look at myself in the mirror. Staring my reflection in the eyes, all I see is a child bride. Maybe that is what I will be. How soon will he marry me? This year? Next? Will he care when I cry... mourning the life I will live? The pain of being unfulfilled? Will he ever love me the way he loves my brothers? I ask these questions to myself but the more that my mind wanders, the more questions I will gain in return. I will never find the answers I would like. My father does not consider me important enough to know what he plans to do.

"Young Mistress Seong.." Day begins, "please sit in the vanity chair so that I can work on your hair and makeup."

"Ah yes of course. I almost forgot about the best part of preparing for an event." I state sarcastically as I walk to the vanity and sit down.

She stays quiet and brushes my hair. As she works her way down the length of my hair, braiding it, I can't help but be disgusted with its color. I resemble my father almost perfectly. Same distinct silver hair, same icy blue eyes, same dead expression, and even the same beauty marks. No one could ever mistake me for a misbegotten child. I am so happy that my nose, my lips, and my complexion resemble my beautiful mother.

I wonder what my mother felt when she heard her only daughter would be engaged today. Did she cry? Smile? Did she feel hurt or happy? Maybe.... Maybe she didn't care at all, maybe she felt nothing. This day was bound to come. The day my father used me to increase his power. He is a man who wants to rule the world, and he shall.. but at what cost? How much is he willing to sacrifice for that power? Deep down I know, he would sacrifice everything. He would sell his soul for it, assuming he has one. There's nothing more important to him than himself. I am ripped from my thoughts when the handmaid drags a brush across my cheek. She places a light layer of makeup on my face.

When she turns me to face the mirror, I can barely stand to look at this.. person that I do not know. I feel like a doll. Dressed up to please the eyes of others. Yet, when you strip me down to my natural form, I become naked, lacking in presence and beauty. A dull shell of what could be.. what would be... what should be.... dressed in a beautiful hanbok.