Peachy & Friends Book 1 - The Understudy

Chapter 1: Tricks on a Sunday Morning

Melodious music poured out of the church organ as Peachy Cream watched her best friend Panda play it. The bubbly preteen sat in a pew and listened politely. Panda Gomez had spent weeks trying to learn the song, and every time she learned a new part she invited Peachy to her house to listen. Of course, Peachy never hesitated. She thought her friend was one of the greatest piano players in the world.

Now, Panda was beginning to wrap up the song, and everyone in the church applauded her. Especially Peachy, who stood up and whooped above everyone else. Panda stood up and took a bow, and walked off the stage. Peachy nudged her as she walked past. "You did great!" she whispered.

Panda blushed and smiled. "Thanks! All that hard work really paid off." She looked at the DJ stereo system by the entrance of the church. "Hopefully I'll play the right CD...."

"Don't worry," Peachy said. "I popped the CD in and out of my stereo twice to make sure it was the right one."

Panda smiled and nodded before walking away. Peachy looked at the stage and groaned. A middle aged pastor wearing a gray suit and a sleazy ratstache was standing behind the podium, speech in hand. Pushpinned on the wall behind him were bright colored posters, saying things like GOD HATES FAGS, AMERICA IS DOOMED, JEWS WILL BURN IN HELL in big, black letters. Well, I guess listening to this douchebag is worth it if it means I get to hear Panda's music, Peachy thought sourly.

The pastor tapped the mic a few times and cleared his throat before making his speech. "Good morning, my fellow Christians," he said. "My name is Pastor Bill Hortense, and I am a bold, powerful warrior of Christ who is currently the only person in this town who will for sure be going to heaven." Peachy rolled her eyes, twiddling a lock of her short orange hair.

Pastor Bill continued. "As you may already know, the amount of sins that Americans commit daily is absolutely absurd. Divorce, abortion and fag marriage are all too common for God's pleasing. So, I've composed a musical number about my exact thoughts and feelings." He turned toward Panda in the DJ booth. "Hit it, maestro!"

Panda took an unlabeled CD out of its case and took a deep breath. I hope this is the right one, she thought. This is my only chance to ever do something like this..... Holding her breath, she carefully pushed the CD into the stereo and pressed the play button. It took a second for the disc to start whirring, but it felt like hours. Just then....

I, I, I love little girls, they make me feel so GOOD!

The Pedo Bear song blasted through the speakers at level nine volume. The hateful pastor's eyes shot open and everyone in the church gasped. All except for Peachy and Panda, who burst out laughing. They knew it was a cruel joke. But it wasn't as cruel as trying to forcefully instill hatred onto people.

Once the audience's shock died down, they started booing.

"No, wait!" Bill cried. "Stop booing me! Y-you're sinners, all of you! You're spawns of the devil!" Just then, Emilio Gomez, Panda's father and the owner of the church, approached Bill with a sour look on his face. "Bill, what in tarnation is this?" he exclaimed. Bill stuttered uncontrollably as he tried to explain. "I-that's not supposed to-ugh! Forget it!" Embarrassed, Pastor Bill slammed his speech onto the surface of the podium and stormed away.

Peachy was sitting in the pew, laughing so hard she could barely breath. Her granddad, brother and sister on the other hand, looked at her as if she had two heads. They weren't in on the joke.

Meanwhile, Panda just sat back and marveled at her accomplishment. She didn't mess up, and knew that she would never mess up. She knew she could accomplish anything.