The boy on the bus... (on break )

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

2022-08-19 20:38

Life. What is it purpose?

Live, be happy, survive; it is all that life is made of and it is the total of it all. But is it worth it?

Will you continue to do so even after everything is removed?

What will the end be like if it ever comes?

Who can say?

This is a question that must be asked of every living creature on this planet and yet we are never given answers to our questions. There was no way of knowing. Life itself is just a formless, unknowable entity to us. We can't see it or touch it, but we know we have to stay alive to survive, otherwise, the whole world could end and nothing would change. The thought of death is scary and terrifying, but eventually, there comes a time when you realize there is nothing you can do in your current situation but carry on. Either you'll make it out alive or not at all.

Shouldn't be too hard, right?

I mean, you're already dead, why don't you just accept the fact?

Why continue?

Why live another life of being miserable?

It was a life you didn't ask for, but here you are anyway. In your room, with your mother downstairs. Mine is crying I guess. She wanted to apologize, but I said no.

What other bad things can happen?

If she's really sorry, maybe this time she'll stop or maybe it'll be worse...maybe it won't work and we'll end up dead together. I wouldn't mind, actually. No need to prolong the suffering, it would be quicker to end it. At least it would rid me of some of my feelings. Maybe that's why I feel so guilty. My mother. The only person who ever cared. The one who always did her best to cheer me up when I was feeling down. The only one who loves me unconditionally. My best friend.

How dare she hurt me like this?

Just thinking about it makes me want to scream. These may be what she wants too. I don't want to kill myself. Not now.

That would just make things easier, wouldn't it?

It would certainly be easier if I threw dead with all the others. It's probably where this current of thought comes from. These are true I have gone crazy. I can't die....

Maybe she's waiting for me there. Waiting for me to come back. To tell him that I'm fine. Or tell her that I hate her. Maybe if she saw how scared I am, that there's nothing to worry about, she could come to talk to me. Tell me everything will be fine. And maybe I should do that. Go talk to him, but I'm too tired for that. Let it be. I want it to stop hurting me, for both of us. I will go now.

I promise that I will try to describe it more often from now on.

-Everything is fine?

I slowly turn around, hoping she won't notice the tears in my eyes, but of course, she notices. It takes a moment for her expression to soften to something almost human-like before she opens her arms for me to fall into. I let myself cry freely this time, burying my face in the crook of her neck as she gently caresses my back. I know she knows. I can hear her sniffling and feel her body shaking slightly, but she keeps her composure. For me.

After a few minutes, I lift my head to wipe the tears from my face. Her gaze is fixed firmly in front of me, her jaw clenched and her shoulders hunched in defeat, as she desperately tries to hide her face with her hair. The image of this little girl standing alone and broken in front of the door. I can't believe I didn't listen to her. I should have thought of her too. She's like my best friend and I don't want that to happen again, I love her too much for that.