Drowning in a fishtank

Look at me

Sunday morning. I wake up, i text Jenny and move on with my day. I hate Sundays, and the only reason i hate them is because, i have the feeling in my stomach that the only thing i'll be when i wake up the morning is the popular & perfect girl. But i really wouldn't consider myself perfect. My hair is greasy and damaged, my skin is oily and my weight. Oh to mention my weight. I either look like i consumed a McDonalds or i've survived on sparkling water for a week. My mother wouldn't dare try and make it any better. In her eyes im a bird that she's forcefully wiring my beak around with rope. Life hasn't been easy since dad left for another woman in Belgium 5 years ago. I miss him. Not because he was that sweet to people, but because he was there for me. He was there for me when i started in school, he was there thru most of it while mom was stressing, drinking out her problems with shots of tequila, but i can't complain. I would have done the same. And just as my eyes snap, i realize i've been in bed all day. I could hear faint music in my ears. I instantly knew that it was Cigarettes After Sex, my favorite band of all time. I try to remember what i've been doing that way, but my mind couldn't even picture anything i could've done. I instantly grab my phone and log onto Snapchat, 1 snap each from Jenny and Kaleb. Jenny has been my best friend for 3 years now. We meet thru a summer camp for girls. Ever since then we have kept in contact, even tho i live in Los Angeles and she's in Melbourne. Kaleb is my boyfriend, we started dating 1 year ago. He's a year older than me. They are the only people i trust, also my cat Demi that i got 2 weeks ago, shes fluffy and has dark fur with the most gorgeous green eyes you ever could imagine. I walk out to the kitchen in just a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. I decide to make a small portion of spaghetti and meatballs since mom isn't home to comment on calories or whatever im eating. As i ate my dinner, i get sleepy and i realize its 1am. I clean my plate to hide the evidence of what i ate from mom and walk into my room. Throwing myself on my bed and turning the tv on to watch the best movie ever shot. 10 Things I Hate About You, its perfection in my eyes. Unlike me.