One Step Behind

Chapter 19~ Shay

A few hours earlier,

I head from Kristin's house to Aiden's. When I get there, he greets me with hugs and kisses. Dani should have never let go of him. He's a great guy.

They think I'm delusional, I know, but whatever. The truth is, I've never been better. My life is perfect. I have a great best friend, Kristin. She's way better than that freak, Dani. Dani was so clingy, but Kristin is so fun. She always host amazing parties, and don't tell Aiden, but the hottest guys are there. She has a party every weekend, and always has more than enough shots, wine coolers, cigarettes, liquor, cocaine, and more.

My mom never grounds or gets angry with me the day after a party when I come home. She can smell the drugs and alcohol on me. She can see that my hair is a mess because I was up so late and I forgot to take out all my hair spray. She hasn't even judged the clothes I've started to wear, even though it's December. Mom let me buy short skirts, crop tops, and things that she wouldn't have let me even look at a month ago. Thanks for trying to kill me, mom!

Back to Aiden, he is so much better than Kyle. Kyle was always serious and boring, while Aiden is fun and makes me smile and laugh. He's amazing, he truly is. He understands my wants and needs. If I need a manicure, he can take me to get one. If I want to see a Chick Flick instead of a horror movie, he will be okay with that. Doesn't he sound just perfect?

Anyways, so Aiden and I hang out for a bit. We just watch TV and eat cereal and cold pizza. Then, I decide to head to the store to stock up for tonight. Tonight, Aiden, Kristin, and her boyfriend are sleeping over.

At the store, I get a bunch of 2 liter bottles, bottles of beer, a couple packs of cigarettes, bags of chips, boxes of candy, movies, and more. Just in case you were wondering, Kristin helped me get a fake ID. Say hello to Courtney Williams! She's 24 years old.

Anyways, when I walk inside, all of a sudden, I hear a voice.

"Go into your room," the voice says, and it sounds kind of like my own voice, just a bit lower. I drop my bags of groceries on the couch. I look around, but no one's there, just me.

"Anyone there?" I ask, but no one replies. So, I pick up my bags, walk into the kitchen, unpack the stuff, and then pour myself some coffee that my mom left out.

"You should die," the voice says, sounding more harsh and louder than before, and it also sounds like someone is saying it right into my ear, but I look around, and I'm still alone.

"Shut up," I groan as I take a sip. It's very strong, so I get some sugar from the pantry and milk from the fridge.

"You're a disgusting and depressing person. Wherever you go you drag your misery with you." the voice states, its voice growing in volume.

"Leave me alone!" I scream, beginning to get very panicked.

"No one actually likes you. I mean, who would?" The voice adds.

"Please! Stop," I beg, covering my ears.

"Your worse than Alexis," the voice growls.

"STOP! Leave me alone!" I yell, and drop to the floor, beginning to sob.

"Go kill yourself," the voice says in a harsh voice. I get up from the floor, and run to the bathroom, trying to hide from the voice.

Who could be saying that stuff if no one is in the house?

I open the cabinet, take out my sleeping pills, and pop ten into my mouth. I can't take the voice anymore. I just can't. It's been haunting me for days.

I take a pen out and scribble a letter.

Dear friends and family,
I'm sorry that I was never good enough. I'm sorry I didn't help out more. I'm sorry I wasn't a kind person. I'm sorry that I was horrible. I'm sorry that I wasn't smart and that I couldn't even get a 3.75 gpa. I'm sorry I didn't do sports. I'm sorry I gave up when I needed to be strong. I'm sorry for ruining each and every one of your lives.

Mom, I forgive you. Stay strong, find a man that's good to you and loves you.

Dani, I'm sorry that I couldn't keep being your friend. As much as I don't want to admit it, you're a great person, and an amazing friend. Whenever I needed you, you were there. I wish I could have been smart, kind, and beautiful inside and out, just like you. Be with Jonah, you two were destined to be together.

Kyle, I'm sorry I toyed with you. I'm sorry I never really had feelings for you. You were so sweet to me, and I never was honest with you until it was too late. You'll find a girl who loves you, I'm sorry it couldn't have been me.

Kristin, you have opened up your world to me, and I feel blessed. I got to experience new things with you, and it was a blast. I'm just sorry I couldn't stick around longer. Keep being the amazing party animal you are!

Aiden, I've only dated a few guys, but you were the best, even though all I did was boss you around. Thanks for giving me whatever I desired. I hope you find a girl who's equal to you, and doesn't take you for granted.

Jonah, sorry I didn't get to know you better. Take care of Dani, or my ghost will haunt you.

Again, I am so sorry to all of you. I'll make sure to tell the Devil to go easy on you when I'm in Hell.

Love,

Shay.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I write my name. I leave it folded in half on my desk.

"Thats it, good job, now go to sleep," the voice says.

So, I go to bed, and never wake up.

~~~~~~~

This chapter was extremely hard to write.

Hope you enjoyed it!

Don't forget to vote and comment!!

~Tessa