The Unlucky One

Chapter 14

I buttoned up the last button of my blue and black flannel, flattening out the creases as my eyes scanned the mirror. They fixated on little details, the flaws I didn't care for. I sighed, more than frustrated with how I looked and also felt. Tonight was going to be interesting, as if I hadn't had enough excitement and heartache in my life just yet.

I didn't know what to expect. Would I bawl my eyes out? Would this event make me feel any better? Worse? Will this night give me clarity, or any sliver of hope that it is possible to find Emma? Or will this night only make me fall into a deeper disgust for myself, having taken Emma to the store in the first place?

Will my mother be there?

I rolled my eyes at the fact that she still had yet to come home. I have not heard from her since the text message I had received last night, giving no indication of her whereabouts, or when she would return home. I've called her cell an ample amount of times, and all it does it ring.

I was planning on leaving in a moment or two, seeming that it was around the time to and it was also getting dark. If she were going, she would have taken the entire day to prepare and get ready. She may have lost her mind, becoming a complete drunk, but we were still the same in certain aspects. I mean, I was her daughter, even though I wasn't treated like it.

Neither of us can go into things head first; we must plan every little detail to make sure nothing fails. Failure leads to negativity, embarrassment and danger. We need to think before we act, running through what we will do, say, or even as far as what to wear. Which street to take that'll get us where we need to be the fastest. Practice what you'd like to say ten times over in your mind before it ever makes it past your lips and into an audible sentence.

The very thought of not being prepared for something terrified me. How could it not? Was I prepared the day I went to the store?

Absolutely not. New town, and I knew absolutely nobody at the time I took Emma to a large grocery store. And the outcome was ten times worse than any nightmare I've ever experienced.

Was I prepared last night, to go to that party full of people I did not know well enough, in a house I've never been, in a town I'm still fitting into? Mind you, I accepted to go to a party that was meant to 'welcome me'.

Once again, absolutely not. I walked into that house and lost all of my morals the moment I consumed the alcohol. I lost my judgement, and perception of what's going on around me. Who I can trust, where my only friend in the entire house happened to be. I was even stupid enough to kiss the guy who threw this stupid party to 'welcome me'.

The only thing I was 'welcomed' to was Jesse forcefully shoving my hands into his pants, and his tongue down my throat.

I make stupid mistakes when I don't plan ahead. It simply does not work, these are perfect examples of why I cannot lose control of my life. I fear that if I do, I could end up hurting someone around me, or even myself.

I yanked my head from the clouds and stepped away from the taunting mirror, slamming my bathroom door shut and leaving all of those bad thoughts behind me. Tonight was to remember those we have lost, and those we are still searching for. I slipped on my converse, instantly feeling a little more confident in my appearance. I completed this look with my leather jacket, since it was a little colder than usual out.

I grabbed my keys, and a small bouquet of pink roses. I held the the roses close to me, locking the front door behind me as I walked outside. I entered my car and started it, instantly feeling an ache in my ribs as I realized this night was not going to be enjoyable. I chose the right time to wear waterproof makeup, thankfully.