Back To The Bridge

Beginning - 2

My heart rate quickened, adrenaline rushing through my body.

The drop below me looked as though it was growing, like the bridge was getting higher.

I could feel a panic attack brewing. I felt it in every single cell, I felt it in my clammy hands, shaking body, tight chest, my nauseous stomach.

And then it struck me. The oxygen rushed out of my lungs and I was left heaving for breath that I couldn't quite catch.

I sat on the edge of the bridge, my face slowly starting to feel fuzzy. I lost the ability to move, apart from the uncontrollable shaking.

It felt like my mind was trying to slip away, like I was going to get lost in my head with no way of coming back. So tried to anchor myself, I dug my nails into the palms of my hands, and bit my tongue until I could taste blood, just to feel something other than impending doom.

I could only faintly feel the pain, it was as though I was trapped in my head and just watching what was happening, through a thick blurry window. I felt isolated from myself, but at the same time, I was too uncomfortably aware.

And then, as fast as it came, it left. I sat in the exact same position, my breaths coming out shaky and uneven.

Tears welled in my eyes, not enough to brim over the edge. This was another reason to do it.

I've had terrible anxiety since my mother died, my brother helped with it a bit, but now it was as awful as ever.

I hated being so powerless. I couldn't deal with it. It may have stemmed from being so helpless up against my father. Maybe, maybe not.

Amelia had tried to get me into meetings with the school counsellor, but I either didn't turn up, or lied through my teeth until they thought there was nothing wrong with me.

I didn't like talking about my feelings. I like thinks that I can explain, it makes life easier being able to expect things instead of living in a state of constant anxiety over what was going to happen every minute.

But with my feelings, that was never the case. I couldn't find a single word that I related to, apart from confusing. So I gave up talking to people and trying to get them to understand, because it was a lost cause. Not even I understood my emotions.

I sat straighter as I heard footsteps scuff across the pavement behind me. Before I turned, I pulled up my shirt to wipe away any remaining tears.

"Bridge again?" Asked a low feminine voice from behind me.

Oh.

I turned around, facing her. I hadn't seen her up close before, it was a pleasant surprise. She was so lovely, her pale porcelain skin glowed in the moonlight and her full lips held a slight smile. Trying not to stare, I looked up to meet her gaze. She was looking straight into me with deep brown siren eyes, it was intimidating despite her friendly expression.

"Yeah." I replied shortly. I was flustered about the close proximity, I didn't want to risk a long sentence because I was sure I'd stumble over my words.

"Do you need someone to talk to? I know I haven't come over before but you seem different this time, I don't want you to..." She looked suggestively over the side of the bridge.

So she did know why I was here. This girl had come here occasionally while I was at this bridge, never coming close, but her presence was always comforting. I only recognised her voice from one time when I heard her singing under the bridge, we had never talked to each other before.

She realised I wasn't going to respond, so she spoke again. "My name's Lydia."

"Melody." I told her, hoping my short replies didn't come off as rude.

"I can leave if you want, but I just wanted to check if you were okay. Which I don't think you are, so unless you decline, I'd like to talk to you." She said.

"Alright." I replied, and moved over slightly as she sat next to me.

"Every time I see you here, I'm pretty sure we both have the same intentions." I blinked, a bit taken aback. This was not the conversation I had been anticipating. "I think so anyways. Why are you here?" She asked, making eye contact. I looked away, down to the dimly lit river bank. It was easier to talk without looking at her.

"To um, jump off." There was a brief pause before Lydia resumed speaking.

"That's what I thought. Not saying that in a mean way either, I understand." She spoke. I nodded, unsure what to say. This was so awkward.

I felt her eyes leave me, and turned to see what she was looking at. It was my bag.

"Is that yours?" She asked, pointing to it.

"Yeah. I should probably go grab it, since you're stopping me from what I came here to do." Oh my god, that sounded bad. "I mean, thank you? I'm not meaning to sound rude, it would have been easier if you hadn't came tonight though." I added, but it didn't make it sound any better.

"I'm sorry. I'm not really stopping you though..." She said. I jerked forward slightly, testing her. Her hand shot to my shoulder, holding me back. I laughed slightly under my breath.

She stood up. "That was stupid." She said, but with a grin.

"You stopped me," I stated, smiling.

"Well Melody... I'm going to give you two options." She said, the grin fading from her face. "Either you jump with me right now, or you're gonna be my friend and we'll both walk away from here alive."

I frowned, at a loss for words.

"Choose one." She demanded.

This was the end. I was going to die tonight, I'd been planning it for weeks. I had promised myself I wouldn't back out.

But then again, I had nothing to lose. Would it hurt so bad to put it off for a week, or maybe longer? Could I give Lydia a chance?

This was supposed to be the end, but... Could this be the start of something? Could this be... The beginning?

"I guess we better get going then, let's get away from this bridge." I said with a shrug.

-

Author's note:

To be completely honest, I kind of forgot that I was writing this. Consistent updates aren't my thing, I work more in short bursts of motivation that don't happen often. Also, dialogue isn't my strongest point, so this chapter isn't as fluid as I'd like it to be, but hey at least I'm trying. There's gonna be a lot more talking next chapter, yayy :(. I know this book is going at a fast pace but it's supposed to be short. I'm writing two other books at the moment, this one is just a throw away sort of thing so I still get the excitement of publishing before I finish the two other books.

Hope you enjoyed this though :) -Lee