Oh my God | 엠패스

We get close the flames get higher |𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 2

It's been about a week since she has arrived, I see everyone giving her side glances asif looking at them is gonna transfer something on to them. She doesn't seem bothered by it at all, though I am, she keeps asking for help on the littlest things and if im being 100% honest - im enjoying spending time with her. She shows me a different way of living that I haven't explored or have seen in myself yet. I don't really care about the risk anymore because being with her shows me that God isn't always right and that being with another woman isn't a sin.

Wednesday nights after lights out we'd sneak out past the Chapple and pray that Father Louis or Sister Campbell doesn't see us. Through the window out through the woods there's a small open patch of land were laying on the ground and looking up at the stars in the sky is the beautifulist thing ive ever seen. Staring into her eyes I need to remind myself of what could happen if we get to close. I look away in hopes she doesn't catch me staring at her but in the darkest shadow of the night I see her smile up at the moon like she doesn't have worries. And only for a minute I wish that was me. She turned to me and like a butterfly landing on an open flower her soft lips touch mine and in a sense of euphoria I realize that even though this is wrong, no body can do me better.

Every Wednesday we'd meet up here and time and time I tell myself i need to let go as i cannot fall into her arms but its so addicting I can't help myself. In her embrace I felt safe away from any wrong doings. I fell sick from going out in the cold. Solitary confinement is colder than the outside world, nuns walking up and down from bed to bed as the nurses rush around trying to heal everyone. Alot of blood and bruises are supposed to heal here but no one can heal the damage they do to you mentally and emotionally, if only it can heal as fast as physical damage, id be fine and won't be scared to sneak around trying to hide a relationship away.

The priest isn't innocent either, a few years ago there was a scandal about him getting a young girl (that was also troubled) pregnant after trying to get the demons out of her and show her the touch of a man. It didn't heal her and in the late nights we heard her scream as he would do awful inhuman things to her to try and "heal" her, it never worked. We heard her screams as one day she had enough and jumped out of her bedroom window, the blanket tied around her neck as a last resort to rescue herself from the hell we're all trapped in. Sister Charlotte says that it was her own fault for falling in love with the devil but she's not innocent either, she was married to a woman in the 70's but apparently she went away promising Sister Charlotte with a child on return only to not come back leaving her heart to break in the nightly silence. Since then she swore that any relationship between girls will be strictly forbidden. Sometimes I wonder where she'll be now if her wife returned.

I snap out of thought as a thermometer is shoved into my mouth forcing me to focus on the task ahead, she never came to visit me in the medical wing. Its a game to her, she doesn't feel anything, as if i don't mean anything to her. Im furious at myself for letting myself fall for someone that has a disease. I have to lie to my friends and say that im fine meanwhile she only uses me when she's bored.

I can't control this desire, we get close the flames get higher