cross my heart

4- the apology

after breakfast i tell rylan i should go, he nods and goes upstairs to grab my stuff and drive me home. once he was back downstairs he grabbed his keys and we left. the drive was mostly silent but we had music on so at least it wasn't awkward.

"this is the one"

i say pointing to my apartment building. he pulls over into a parking spot and comes around to open my door, he is a true gentleman. i feel so safe around him.

"i'm glad i met you y/n"

he smirks at me with a cheeky grin, making me think of last night. oh. my. god. i don't understand how he has such an effect on me already. he snatches up my phone from my hand and starts typing.

"there, that's my number. i want to see you again so i'll need to text you"

i want to see you again. those 5 words pounding in my chest, making my heart skip a beat. i quickly nod, lost for words and rush inside giving him a small wave and thanking him for everything he's done. i can't stop smiling in the elevator. it's all i can think about and his words replay in my head over and over again. the elevator stops on my floor and i head towards my door. i walk inside and there's trevor sitting at my kitchen table, sipping at a water.

"jesus christ trevor what the fuck are you doing here?"

i forgot he had a key.

he goes quiet and stares at me with solemn eyes.

"you need to leave"

i try to speak but it comes out as a whisper.

"i'll go, but first you need to hear me out."

tears start to pool in his eyes and i sit down, waiting for the worst to come, and it does.

"this isn't easy to say y/n but i've been diagnosed with stage 2 leukemia. i broke up with you because i didn't want to have to put you through my death"

the tears are streaming down his, and now my own face.

"they say i need chemo to keep it under control, but i can't do it"

he chokes on his words, making me an angry, confused but most of all disappointed mess.

"HOW COULD YOU REFUSE TREATMENT, YOU'RE SO SELFISH, I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU"

i'm standing up, screaming at him while he covers his face. he can't even look at me after the decision he'd made. he stands up and pulls me into his chest, placing his hands on the small of my back, just like he used to when we were together.

"i'm so sorry"

he whispers into my hair, silently crying. we stand like this for more than 10 minutes, crying together in each other's embrace.

"i love you"

i catch him say. i can't tell wether it's a romantic i love you or a goodbye i love you but just after he says it, he pulls away and walks out. like nothing had ever happened.