A flickering star

flickering light

It was after practice, after tsukasa ruined everything. After him and Rui had gotten into a fight. They both cut each other with their words.

"oh and by the way, you don't have what it takes to be a star."

Rui had said it himself, he isn't fit to become a star. He will never be good enough to be one.

"You're wrong! I put my heart and soul into our shows! I've always given my all in our performance! Always trying my best..! To become a star!"

"A star you say? For you, theater is just a means of achievement. Some selfish personal goal."

Tsukasa was taken aback, his eyes widened.. just maybe...

"I'm disappointed to see you don't have a true passion for theatre after all."

...He was selfish, so selfish. Rui was right, he wasn't ever meant to be a star. He never has been fit for that roll in the first place! Tsukasa's eyes widened a smile creeping onto his lips,

"I was never built to be a star, I will never be a star! How stupid of me to ever believe I was ever made to be one!" He laughed, tears started to stream down his face.

Saki wasn't home today, she was out with her friends. Leaving tsukasa alone, he will probably be alone for awhile huh? Tsukasa dragged himself to his room, shutting and locking his bedroom door. He slowly slid down the door, staring at the ground before him. Did he take theater seriously? He does! Right?..

It was far to late to say sorry about the things he said to nene, they probably already hate him. They probably don't want to ever see his ugly face or his loud mouth ever again. He messed up, if he wants to be a star, he would have to be perfect which is the number one thing he isn't. He is sure everyone hates him, they all have reason to! He is an awful and annoying person!

Tsukasa was now slightly shaking tears starting to cloud his vision, why can't he do anything right? Why is he so imperfect? Then an idea came to his mind, would it have been better if he was never there in the first place? Would they all be happy? Would they all be doing great shows without him? Would it be better... if he died? He doubts anyone would care! He is just a nuisance! An annoying meaningless person in the background!

Tsukasa started to get up, unlocked his door and wen't into the bathroom, staring into the mirror. He saw himself, yet he looked even more awful than he ever has before, his eye bags are showing now and his eyes are red and puffy from crying, his throat is soar from shouting all day and his hair is messy, and his eyes.. they have no light in them, they are just as lifeless as he feels right now. He looks so ugly, so terribly ugly.

His fingertips met with the cold marble sink, making him flinch at the cold feeling against his fingers. He then looked down, seeing the normal things you'd see in a bathroom. Soap, a towel and a few other things. Yet what caught his attention was the razor that his sister had bought the day before. He started to reach for it, but then snapped out of his thoughts and yanked his hand away. Glaring at it for at least a minute, he finally picked it up. He slowly glided his finger on the edge of the cold blade, Making him shiver at the touch.

While in his head he felt the blade graze the top of his finger making him hiss at the feeling. He quietly cursed under his breath just barely audible to hear. Yet, he felt a wave of relief hit him when he looked down at his bleeding finger. He slowly looked over to the razor then to his arms, he slowly raised the razor to his arm and slid it across his pale skin. Feeling another wave of relief cloud him, he did it again less slowly this time. Tears streamed down his face, his vision blurry quietly sobbing while running the blade across his arm again. Feeling pain rush through his arm. But he couldn't stop, he only felt relief and pain from each scar that he created. But he deserved to feel this! Right? He deserved to feel all of this after what he said, he messed up. A star isn't supposed to ever mess up. Yet he did so he's simply punishing himself for his mistake, Rui has always been right. He was never truly fit to be a star.

He sat there, on the cold tiles of his bathroom. The floor stained with blood. That was going to be a pain to have to clean, he thought to himself. He sat there, sobbing into his hands, everything hurt. He was so tired, so tired of waking up, so tired of being a bother. It would be better if he was never here! Why was he here again? It's not like he has a reason to stay? He got up, looking into the mirror. He saw a disgusting sight, he saw the thick scarlet liquid that was spilling out of his new wounds. He saw his dead, blood shot eyes. He looked like a dead person.. he sighed, and opened the cabinet next to the sink. He picked up the bandages from the cabinet and slowly started to wrap the wounds that litter his arms. And then taking some pain killers to ease the pain, he soon after splashed his face with cold water and left the room.

Tsukasa was now in his room, again closing and locking the door. He then walked over to his closet and decided to wear a long sleeved shirt to cover the bandages. He made sure that none were visible before going over to his bed and laying down, staring blankly at the ceiling. Soon after, blacking out falling into a dreamless and cold sleep.

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IM SURE U GUYS ENJOYED THAT<3
anywayy I will be starting school tomorrow and probably won't be very active, sorry abt that! But I will try and post when I cann
Again I might make this another chap🤗 might add Ruikasa? Idk maybe if I feel generous ❤️