PRETTY SAVAGE | JENLISA

Chapter 35

Jennie

Lisa dreamt of her last night. I didn't know the contents of the dream. Just that she was calling out for her. The tormented sound of Lisa calling out for her was enough to stifle my heart.

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't tell her that I heard. I pretended that I was still sleeping, but I heard her. I heard her, and now I couldn't stop fucking hearing her.

I knew Lisa thought about her late wife sometimes, and I told myself that it was okay, that she was grieving. Grief was okay, but dreaming of her at night was Lisa's subconscious way of remembering her or a reminder of her.

It wasn't a competition. I couldn't compete with Tzuyu if I tried. She was Lisa's first love, her wife, the woman she laid with for ten years, and the one she was still mourning a year later. Tzuyu was a memory, a ghost of a tortured memory, and how was I supposed to compete with a memory?

Even when she held me in her arms at night, I had to pretend that I was sleeping. I had to hold in my cries, sobs, and pain until the following morning when she left for work. She kissed my cheek and mumbled a goodbye before she left the bedroom. Only then did I allow myself to cry. I cried the entire morning, body shaking, sobs and hiccups, snot and all.

The thing was, I couldn't blame her for the dream she had. I couldn't blame her for thinking about her late wife. I told Lisa once that I didn't want to erase her late wife out of her memory and that I understood where she was coming from. I told her that I would never push her for anything and that she didn't need to tell me those three little words.

That I felt her love for me through her actions. I had to constantly remind myself that Lisa took care of me and showed me her affection in other ways, which was sustainable. That I shouldn't push someone like Lisa. I wasn't scared of Lisa, but I was scared of what would happen if I were to push Lisa right off the cliff edge.

Yet... how long was I supposed to be like this for? How long was I supposed to deal with all the pain and suffering Lisa still held inside her heart? I wanted it. I wanted Lisa's heart to be mine. I wanted to own it like she owned mine. If she wasn't going to give it to me on her own accord, I would demand it from her. It was mine. I owned it.

Her love, her heart, her very fucking soul belonged to me. She had told me that she would be mine like I was hers, yet she has offered me nothing. Just little breadcrumbs here and there that she tossed behind her back while I scrambled to pick up every single crumb. I wanted the whole fucking loaf. I wanted every iota that belonged to Lisa, and I wanted it now.

I got off the bed and went to shower before getting ready. After getting dressed, I walked down the stairs to see Hoony standing in the foyer, speaking on the phone. I waited for him to finish his phone call, and he did quickly, shoving his phone into his pocket.

"Ms. Kim."

"Can you take me somewhere?"

"Of course. Does boss know that you're leaving the house?"

"Yes, she does." I lied.

Hoony nodded his head before opening the front door for me. I walked outside and made my way to one of the cars. Hoony opened it for me, and I slid inside it. "Where to, Ms. Kim?"

"Take me to the cemetery where Tzuyu was buried in."

His eyes went wide, and I saw him struggle with the car keys as he stared at me. "Maybe I should call..."

"Hoony, take me there now, and you better not call Lisa, or I swear to God..." I warned, leaving the threat in the air, and I saw the man swallow thickly. I saw him mentally battle the pros and cons of the demand I had given him. I knew he was terrified of disobeying me, but he was even more loyal to Lisa. I saw him push the key in the ignition and drive out of the driveway. Even though I had given a strict demand and threatened Hoony, I wasn't feeling confident. My hands were shaking on my lap, and I closed my eyes.