We were insurmountably hungover.
I rubbed away last nights glitter from my eyes while the wicker patio chair scorched my back. Everything about this meal display was meant to nurse our headaches and keep away the sweat. I didn't like the reminder of what hell feels like, cause my fate would surely lead me there soon. The heat from last nights activities seemed to transfer into the atmosphere with a blistering temperature. I couldn't tell if my brain was swelling from dehydration or alcohol withdrawal, but I craved something to keep away this pounding pain and keep my mind as ease.
Nearly every important guest from last night was around this patio table. Several business partners, family members, and employees. A light linen canopy billowed above our heads as a sun blocker, but the nearby sea reflected each ray and imprinted a stinging hue to redden our skin. Humidity reached my head and swamped every part of my body making it hard to hear conversation around the table. The stick of sweat caked each inch of my frame.
My father was at the head of the table, carefully guiding each topic.
Livia sat next to him with her newlywed glow. I'm sure the ceremony finished long before my night had simmered. Not even the dark sky should shield my indiscretions, staining pillows and restraining secrets. Each fiber of my being was riddled with discomfort, letting last night become an embarrassing memory. I'd have to take it in stride, knowing I still upheld the contracts guidelines. I was lucky Harry didn't take a seat at the table to join the post-wedding dinner, but one empty placemat sunk my stomach.
Maybe he was too hungover to come or felt the same strange repulsion that I couldn't shake. I'd be absolutely mortified to see Harry interact with my father knowing he'd seen me orgasm 12 hours ago. I had a heart constricting anxiety that made me want to swamp in my own regret and disintegrate into my bed.
But I was forced to face my discomfort with thoughts that made me nauseous.
I was disgusting. I was more than happy to indulge in self hatred to later take out on Harry. The only reason my thoughts were absolutely obsessed with this man is because I felt such a strong lust that I needed to override my true feelings with a poorly veiled mask of hate. I was afraid of how sexuality could have such a strong force over my decisions. There was a destructive inkling in me ready to be inspired, ready to extinguish the rest of my life to fuel a passionate fire. I needed to suppress the dire urge to drop everything and follow this passion. He couldn't give me the stability I desired, only the unfathomable chaos I craved. My life could never go right, so why not chose where it would go wrong? Whatever urge I had subconsciously suppressed seemed to manifest into him- a physical reminder of everything I wanted but couldn't have.
The reckless wet nights, paired with a conflicted heart, heatless breath, and sharp inhales. I needed the trouble. I needed to feel like I was doing something wrong to finally figure out what felt right. I couldn't be tamed into a life that didn't suit me, my brain was constantly at force against my heart.
"I'd say the wedding was a success," Livia's jarring words cut through the general conversation.
Her nimble hands were clad with bands of metal and real jewels. They gave a soft clank with each movement, signifying class and consumerism. She joined hands with my father, taking her rather smooth palm across his rough and ached skin.
"I agree. wouldn't you too, Clio?" Niccolo intervened my thoughts.
"Why are you asking me?"
The guests muted their surrounding conversations to accommodate my impending response. He had an err of snark that made me quickly jump to defense.
"You're my only other blood here," He concluded, setting the tone for no more conversation.
Livia didn't crack away from piercing glares, embers of fury simply radiated from her upright posture. She'd stared me down like it was her mission to analyze my every move. I was one simple gesture away from fucking something up. There was so much on my brain, waiting to spill and crumble this place to the ground. Every important relationship around this table could be destroyed by knowledge I willingly withheld.
YOU ARE READING
RIDE ✧ {H.S.}
Fanfiction"Please,-" He moaned into my flesh. His tattooed hand caressed my just below my ribcage, creating butterflies in my stomach, "Or is this as close as you'll let me taste?" "Remember this feeling," My breath hitched and I felt like I was loosing balan...
