I loved him. I did. Too much. The first time we kissed I was unprepared for the after effect. That kiss unlocked the feeling of love in my cold and icy heart. I realised I had loved him for much longer than I thought I had. I realised I never wanted to be without him. He proposed. And I made a mistake. "I'll think about it."
Time moved on and people made my decision for me. He asked me for an answer one warm summers day at a garden party. We were alone, under the tree I'd spent many times with him since his proposal. It ended in tears and he walked away. The war began. Every time he came back safe, I felt sick with relief. But one day he did come back and I did indeed feel sick. However this time it was not with relief. He came back with his one true love, whom he was engaged to, Lavinia swire. I realised Matthew had moved on. Anything he had ever felt for me faded away in his mind, overpowered by his deeper love for Lavinia.
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Lady Mary's mind
FanfictionWe never saw what went on in Mary's head. Julian fellowes never showed us her reaction after Matthews death or informed us on how she felt. This is a piece of writing describing her life leading up to his death and reactions after death.
