Sinking.
What a strange feeling.
Sinking can mean a lot of things: sinking in water, sinking in debt, sinking in your pathetic sorrow emotions. But they all have one thing in common: panic.
It's understandable. I mean, a normal persons instinct would be to fight the waves slapping your face as it fills you with your final supper.
But to me, sinking can be... relieving.
I often have dreams of sinking; seeing the light slowly getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller. It gives me time to accept that I am, drowning. I've never fought the sinking. There's no point in it. Why waste this amazing opportunity given to you by whoever's up there and instead be some sort of animal?
Anyway, I had the dream again.
It was refreshing.
***
I wake up to the sound of my portable slim cuboid letting out a distress signal stating that 'YOU MUST GET UP ITS THE END OF THE WORLD' sort of thing. Nathaniel hates it. It brings me joy.
Speaking of which, I haven't heard his annoying mumble yet. Which is strange because I've had 4 of these alarms set of anyway. I turn myself to face Nathan which isn't there. Huh?
I thrust myself upwards and pull the covers up from the bed next to me. Its empty. What the fuck? I think to myself, very clearly confused about where the fuck that scum bag has gone.
"Nathaniel?" I called out to create an echo which sounded across my house. I check the calendar on the wall. I need to change that.
I topple out of my bed to gracefully fall on my placed legs as I stretch myself up. Don't judge how I get up. It's different for each day. I slip past the laziness carefully and head down the corridor to the bathroom. I open the door and I'm welcomed with the reality of my physical appearance. What the fuck?
I looked frail in the mirror, almost decaying even. My hair is a curled catastrophe; clotting together with the sweat of my nightmares. My eyebags feel and seem as if they are touching the floor, but upon closer inspection they aren't that bad. I pick at my skin for a while, observing every detail of my unwashed face. I force a smile at myself, but we both know it's fake.
I grab the shampoo and conditioner from the cabinet and make my way down to the small shower block where I am forced to bathe. I would like to clean myself in a silent lake, surrounded by the loneliness of my sad desolate life which is blocked out by the beauty of nature. God my life is fucked.
I turn on the shower and proceed to hop in. I've gone past the stage where I wait for the water to warm up - I need a shower.
I have a few thoughts during my lukewarm shower: About how goldfish's are deemed to be the stupidest animal and yet they live a life of luxury; swimming in a bowl staring and judging everyone's poor life choices. Ah, the dream.
I step out of my shower and scavenge an unwashed towel from the pile of laundry Nathan was supposed to do.
Where is Nathan?
**
After lounging about for about 10 minutes I decide to open my phone and look for Nathan's number. I call it, but there was no answer. Strange.
Hey just wondering where you've been. You have laundry which needs washing here.
And sent. Now I won't have to worry about laundry if a magical entity blesses me from above and either forces or persuades Nathan to do his chores.
