Echo Thomas Olde [ENGLISH]

LOG OF THE DEMETER

—Digital Diary Fragments of Nick Grevers

Written 18 July, things so strange happening, that I shall keep accurate note henceforth till we land.
– Bram Stoker.

1.

October 4, 2018 En route. Journey is going well. Most of the German Autobahn slept while you drove. Relieved to be able to last this long, as my fitness is at an all-time low. Chronic pain and oxas drain my energy. Constantly tired. Psych may be right: my rehabilitation still has a long way to go. But now too excited to sleep – or should I say too scared? We have just crossed the Swiss border. Beyond Basel rises the wall of the promontory, through which the highway weaves in tunnels. I didn't notice that you turned the music down. That you keep licking your lips when a new, even higher comb appears behind the previous one. You don't need any of it, do you? Little consolation: you are not alone this time. That's how many times I've driven here before. And always with that same familiar feeling of coming home. How different everything is now! At the end of this road, the Val d'Anniviers awaits. Beyond that, the Maudit. If what I think I know is true,
I'd be crazy not to question what drives me to come back here. Then it could become very dangerous. And yet, curiously enough, the events of the past few weeks have provided ample clarity as to what we have come here to seek. The answers to our questions are not in the Netherlands but at the foot of that mountain, in Grimentz, at the mouth of that valley where it all happened. There is also doubt. Of course there is doubt. How many times have I been wondering if all this isn't just a fantasy, a fantasy shot out of my mind during that miserable long night in the crevasse? I know you thought so too. You may still think so. But even if I'm kidding myself, even if we still want to believe that after everything that's happened, it's still not a bad idea to work through the trauma and continue rehabilitation in Switzerland. Who will say? All those spas are there for a reason. The healthy mountain air will do us good. I can also do the scar correction, If we decide to stay that long, let's do it here. The medical care in CH is of the highest standard. According to the navigation, it is still three hours to Grimentz. Things get serious in the last half hour through the valley. The road meanders along deep ravines and climbs along steep rock faces. I admire your determination and patience in this unnatural and hostile habitat for you. For the down-to-earth humor with which you always manage to take the sting out of difficult situations. I wouldn't know how I got through the last two weeks without you. You have not only watched over my sanity, you have also given me the strength to resist. And that after all you've endured from me! Ramses is in the back of his travel basket with his half-open eyes on me and a look that could kill anyone. smiley face. Will never forgive us for this ride. Realize that I have a responsibility. In the chaos of everything, nurturing a sleepy angry hangover and my love for you may only be a momentary glowing flame, but to me it's all that counts. Okay, tank break.

Stop it for now. Let's assume it will be fine. We made the right decision. It should be fine.

2.

September 22, 2018 – two weeks earlier Took something downstairs. Can't get around it any longer. Took something down from the Maudit. What was that thing in our bedroom last night? That thing under the sheets? And those birds... you've seen them too. Here you have the delusions that psych Claire is talking about. Your look was really precious: 'Birds came out of your face,' you kept saying. You may have repeated it fifteen times. At one point you even laughed at it. And what else can you do but laugh? If you don't laugh, it's crying or screaming mad. Because they were Alpine jackdaws. I don't even doubt that. And that thing under the sheets, that was Augustin. I dreamed of him. Dreamed he came climbing out of that crevasse, right up to the foot of the bed. I fought with him under the covers because I was terrified that he would pull me back into that crevice. So that I could be with him in that dark. And he was cold, Sam, so terribly cold, because of course he had been trapped in the glacier for so long.