Fires And Family | Paradox Live

When It Happened - 2

A week after the funeral, Reo was still having nightmares. He would wake up crying and raving about blood and cameras and it took Iori sitting with him for him to calm down and finally fall asleep again. During these episodes, Himari would usually be lying awake in her own room, just as she often did these nights. She didn't have nightmares, but she found it increasingly difficult to actually fall asleep.

She could tell that Iori wasn't sleeping well either, otherwise he wouldn't have known when Reo woke up. Reo didn't really make a lot of noise, or much attempt to try to get anyone. Himari could mostly tell when he was awake by the sound of a low murmuring as he talked to himself in fright. So that night, after three weeks, when she didn't hear the customary signal but still heard Iori leave his room, Himari knew he was going to check on Reo for his peace of mind. When there were no further sounds for a while, Himari knew that Reo must have been awake and Iori had stayed to help him sleep. She knew all this, but still when she heard Iori's footsteps leading back to his room, Himari got out of bed and opened the door of her room.

When Iori appeared at the end of the corridor, he was stopped by the sight of Himari standing against the wall outside her room, wide awake.

"Himari? What's wrong?" he said as he approached her.

"Nothing," Himari answered. "I heard you going to check on Reo. He was awake?"

"Yeah. He was just lying in bed, frozen."

Himari could see the worry in Iori's eyes. She knew she should feel worry too, but of late she mostly just felt numb.

Himari put her arms around Iori and almost sighed in relief when he folded her into a hug. They barely so much as touched these days. But now that Himari had her face against the warmth of Iori's shoulder and was losing herself in his scent, she could feel a tiny fraction of her own warmth returning to her. She wondered if Iori felt anything similar.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

Iori hummed a little before answering. "I feel like you should try to get back to sleep."

There it was again. Over the days since the incident, Iori had been closing himself off from her. Himari had seen him do something similar when Yohei first left the Suiseki group. Back then, he had absolutely pushed everyone away from himself and refused to talk to anyone. His efficiency at work had become one hundred percent, but so had his ruthlessness.

At the time, Himari had been too stupid to realise what was going on. She had kept badgering him about Yohei's location over and over and had been the only one, aside from her father, who continued to speak to Iori on a daily basis. Even when he had angrily snapped at her that he would take her to see Yohei if she found out his address herself, Himari had only heard the promise to see Yohei and had run off happily. In hindsight, Himari was glad of that naivety of hers. If she hadn't been too stupid to stop pestering Iori, he would have successfully managed a complete social withdrawal and moped around for much longer.

He had finally managed to work through that low, however this one was much, much worse. Thankfully, the boys and Zen managed to make it very hard for Iori to withdraw again, and he was holding on to some semblance of normalcy because of that. But on some level, Himari could feel Iori pulling away. Even as he held her at that moment, Himari could tell he was trying to escape.

She pulled back so that she could look at Iori's face, placing her hands on either of his cheeks. He had a smile on his lips, but it was empty and didn't reach his eyes. Himari used a thumb to press gently against Iori's lips. "Tell me the truth, please, Iori-san," she whispered.

"I was? It's really late and - "

"Iori-san."

"Hm?"

"We've all been messed up since..." Himari forced herself to swallow past the growing tightness in her throat. "You've been helping all of us, but what about you?"

"I'm taking care of myself, don't worry."

"How?"

"Himari, this is - "

"These days, when you think no one is looking, I've seen your expression. You're always so angry. It scares me, because... Because I worry what you'll do."

"You can't expect me to not do anything, Himari."

Himari could hear the danger laced in the lowest tones of his voice. She shook her head. "It's not that. I'm worried that you'll do something you won't be able to come back from. We need you. I need you." Himari's eyes met Iori's.

Iori was looking at her with a sadness that confirmed what Himari had already begun to fear. She extracted herself from Iori's arms, on the verge of tears. "You don't love me anymore, do you?"

"No, Himari, that's - "

"You always do this. If I didn't make the effort of chasing after you, you'd just push me away and go on with your life. You never tell me anything, about your work, your plans, your feelings. I have to find out by myself, or just accept whatever you think is enough for me to know. Why is that, Iori-san?"

Iori's hands had fallen to his sides. He still had the same sad look in his eyes as he took a deep breath. "You were supposed to go back to college this week."

"I'm grieving! My father just died, I can take some time to - "

"Oyaji would want you to finish the course, regardless of what happened."

"This isn't about him! It's about what you and I want. For us, as well as for the others."

"Himari, I want you to finish the course too."

Himari took a deep breath. "Fine. I'll continue it as soon as I'm ready. But I won't be ready until I know that you're doing ok too." Himari took Iori's hands in hers and pressed a kiss to each. "So please, help me."

Iori took her face between his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears that clung to her eyelashes. "Himari, all of us in this house are here by choice. Your father too, he continued as the head of the family out of choice. You weren't. You were born into this, the daughter of a yakuza no matter where you go. I just want you to know that you have a choice too. Especially after what's just happened, if you want a quieter life, then you should have it. I don't want to stand in your way."

Himari listened as Iori spoke in breathless silence. It was a first for her to actually hear what Iori thought. Every word felt precious to her. Too bad it also all sounded like absolute rubbish.

"Iori-san, listen to me carefully because I will only say this one more time." Himari placed her hands over Iori's and smiled up at him. "I choose to be here. I want to stay by your side. I want to help you. A quieter life would be meaningless to me because it wouldn't have you or Zen-san or the kids in it. I chose not to be yakuza when I decided to go to college, but I still choose being with all of you."

Iori closed his eyes and leaned forward until his forehead touched Himari's. He chuckled, then whispered, "That's one weight off my mind."

Himari wrapped her arms around Iori's shoulders. "You see, silly? Just talk to me next time."