SAVE ME (Michael Clifford)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Unknown P.O.V (3rd person)

Since the age of five Charlotte experienced things that nobody should have to that age. Episodes of darkness , she was so full of hatred and sadness , she hated herself and couldn't find anyway to live. Her parents would take her to doctors , they would all do tests and all of them would say the same thing 'Your daughter has a bipolar disorder.' Her parents never wanted to believe it and would just carry on taking her from doctor to doctor , having tests and tests. When they finally lost hope they came into terms that their little 5 year old girl was clinically depressed all because of her disorder. They had to remember to give her the right amount of pills  , making sure she took them in order to function through the day.

She was bullied and harassed. 'Freak' 'Weirdo' 'Emo' were some of the names. They corrupted her innocent mind , she started to care about things she never cared about as a young girl. Once she grew up and got old she wasn't so innocent any more. She started to understand everything. She was stereotyped and labelled. Forever marked as a target for somebody to torment.

She started crying more and more each day and night. She felt alone , lost and confused. As she got older she learned to fake it all. Put on a happy mask to fool everyone around her. She learned to keep her emotions locked away , learned to lie when somebody asked if she was 'okay' and when they asked did you take your tablets 'today?'. She learned how to come off as brave when in reality she was scared. She learned not to let anyone in because they wouldn't understand. She learned to act like judgements didn't hurt her like she was made of bulletproof glass when really she was already cracked.

As she got older things just got worse to the point where at the age of eleven she was living in a psychiatric hospital then again at thirteen and again at fifteen. Thats when the voices started. The negative voices that screamed into her mind controlling her in every way possible. She was sick of the medicine she had to take three times a day and just decided to not take them. Some nights were better then others. Some nights were worse but again she plastered on a fake smile to hide away the pain. She wanted to be like everyone else again she wanted to just be normal , Scared of life and the world around her , afraid of people finding out about her secret cold life.

Charlotte's P.O.V

Walking through the front door of my house and dropping my school bag by my feet was pretty much my daily routine. I would get home , be greeted by my mother have an hour conversation , discussion , debate with her about my day and how I was feeling.The only difference with today was... nobody was home. Mum was working extra hours today in order to pay for my sisters university fees and my father well he worked late hours so he was probably driving back from some place.

What are you waiting for?

Your home alone now... 

I know what you're thinking

You know where they are

''Shut up!'' I cursed , covering my hands over my ears. Trying to block the voices inside my head , i knew they were all in my head. I've been told by my parents , siblings , doctors , therapists , everybody. That they are not real but i can't control them. Why can't i control them!?

Don't be so pathetic.!!

Ignore them Charlotte , just ignore them. Think of something else...Anything!!

Just go upstairs 

Yeah go upstairs that will be good

Turn into the bathroom

Open up the cabinets

Get out the pills

''NO STOP''

Swallow them

Swallow them all.

You'll be free I found myself moving , I was screaming inside to stop but my legs and arms had other plans. I was inside the bathroom opening the cabinets and grabbing the bottle of sleeping pills from the top shelf. I stared at it for a little while and placed it on the window sill taking a deep breathe.

So close but so far away..

you'll get away from us

we'll be gone

you'll have full control

Lets go to wonderland...

Grabbing the bottle and shaking listening to the noise that was made by the pills moving around. I opened up my palm and in fell... one ...two...three pills. Four...five...six pills. Seven ...eight...nine pills. Ten for luck I suppose as I popped another in my hand. Was i really going to do this? Was I really going to be one of those people? Was I really going to commit Suicide?

Suicide.

I think about it all the fucking time. It would be so easy to just end all of the pain , suffering  and self hate that i feel on a daily basis. No more depression , no more cutting , just ignorant bliss. I don't know what will happen , but what i do know is that it will be better than the way i'm living now. I can't live with who i am. I am living in constant  hell, and its killing me; it's actually slowly driving me insane. 

So the real question is; how will i do it? There has been so many options to choose from hanging,suffocation , drowning , slitting my wrists , overdose , jumping , electrocution and so many more. But never in my life has there been nothing in the way of me doing it. I've written so many suicide notes in the past years, and i've never ever accomplished my goal of death.

The last thing i remember before i blacked out was the contact of my body falling too the floor and a loud ringing in my ear. A loud noise i didn't know what it was but now i realize that horrible screeching noise. It was the noise of my screaming.

I'm going to die and nobody is here to Save me? this time.