The Hummel Games

Chapter 3- All Hell Breaks Loose

Competitors:

Rachel Berry

Finn Hudson

Unique Adams

Blaine Anderson

Santana Lopez

Noah Puckerman

Quinn Fabray

Sam Evans

Brittany Pierce

Mike Chang

Tina Cohen-Chang

Rory Flanagan

Artie Abrams

Mercedes Jones

Joe Hart

Harmony Pearce

Sebastian Smythe

Sunshine Corazon

Matt Rutherford

Lauren Zizes

Jesse St. James

Kitalene Crimson

David Karofsky

Chapter 3- All Hell Breaks Loose

The Unholy Trinity had barricaded themselves in the choir room with the door locked and curtains shut. Santana and Quinn stood guard with bows and arrows (much like Katni- who?), while Brittany drew on the whiteboard. She whimsically scribbled an image of herself slicing Blaine open with a scythe, with plenty of red marker to represent blood.

"Look at my picture, Santana!"

Santana smiled at Brittany, but didn't move. "I'd love to, Britt, but I have to stay here. People might come in and kill us, and Quinn and I have to stop that from happening. After all, I wants to get my Hummel on."

Quinn frowned. "Aren't you a lesbian, Santana?"

"Yeah, but I'd go straight for Kurt. Who wouldn't?"

"Let me think..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"No, nobody."

Brittany finished her drawing and took a hairclip out of her hair. The other girls kept their eyes and bows trained on the door, watching for any possible disturbance.

Hours passed, and Santana was bored again.

"Hey Quinn?"

"Yeah?"

"Who would you rather have sex with: Finn or Sam?"

"Um... Probably Sam."

"Because he looks more like you and would therefore help fill your narcisstic tendencies by pretending to do the nasty with yourself?"

"What? How does... how does that even work? And I picked him because of his abs."

"Brittany's abs are better."

While the girls bantered, Brittany snuck up behind Quinn, brandishing her hairclip. Once she was right behind Quinn, the blonde dancer tapped Quinn's shoulder.

"What is it, Brittany?"

"Only one of us can win, right?"

Quinn nodded sadly. "Ri-"

She was cut off the the sharp end of Brittany's hairclip penetrating her throat. As Quinn died, Brittany did a victory dance which consisted of twirls, jumps, backflips and epic jazz hands. A cannon fired, and Brittany took the deceased Quinn's bow and arrows. She shot one into the wall, laughing. "Look Santana, I'm Katn-"

"Britt, you just killed Quinn. One of our best friends."

"I know."

"I am so proud of you."

"Thanks, 'Tana."

"Just don't kill me."

"Okay. Let's go kill Artie. He's in a wheelchair, so he can't run away."

"Ah Brittany... you've become a ruthless, bloodlusting monster."

"Rubber ducky, you're the one..."

As Brittana hunted down Artie, Mercedes and Unique were engaged in the greatest diva-off of all time in the McKinley High gym. Jesse St. James lay dead between them, and the duet was electrifying enough to literally electric-shock people. They shot each other glares, hisses and intimidating vocal runs. They were singing the anthem of the ages, the diva's trademark song.

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

"Find out what it means to me!"

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

Rory Flanagan was at the sideline, acting as the judge. He literally shivered with awe at each note from the girls and had a permanent expression of happiness. He almost forgot that this was a death match.

At the end, the near-identical singers turned to Rory in a near-identical way. "Who won?" they demanded in near-identical voices.

"Well..." Rory rushed to get the words out, his accent only serving to jumble them further. "Ican'tdecidewhowonyouwerebothsoamazing."

Mercedes's eyes narrowed. "What? I am not being double-cast again!"

Unique shook her head. "No, no, no! Unique demands that the judge changes his mind. Unique killed that song, whilst Mercedes simply murdered it."

"You bitch, that is my song! I auditioned for Glee Club with that song!"

"Well, Unique's surprised they let you in."

With that, the diva-off of all time was followed by the catfight of all time. Hair was torn, limbs were bitten, faces were scratched, the whole bit. After about ten minutes of this, Rory picked up a trident (like Fi- no one at all!) and threw it into the middle of the fracas. When the figurative smoke cleared, Mercedes was dead and Unique had a LOT of bruises.

With quiet dignity, Unique pulled the trident out of Mercedes's internal organs and stabbed Rory to death with it.

"That'll teach you to be indecisive, you unidentified Irish."

After hearing the cannons, she wandered away, still holding the weapon.

There was only room for one soulful diva in this game, and I guess that was Unique. Good for her.