Te amo, Ti amo

The Old College Try

"This song is dedicated to Leo Valdez!" She shouted, pointing me out in the crowd. Despite it being December, I felt my body heat flare up, like it always did when I was excited, or embarrassed, or in love, all three of which mingled inside of me. 

Her nimble fingers were just as skilled on the guitar strings as they were on the loom, her voice sweet and light like vanilla, and I closed my eyes in total bliss. The whole camp could catch on fire, and I still wouldn't be able to tear my attention away from her. 

"From the housetops to the gutters, from the ocean to the shore 

The warning signs have all been bright and garish, far too great in number to ignore." 

I opened my eyes back up, surprised and a little concerned. What did she mean by warning signs? 

"From the cities to the swamplands, from the highways to the hills 

Our love has never had a leg to stand on," Our eyes connected for a moment, and my heart sank when I realized what was in them. 

Pity. 

She started back up again. "from the aspirins, to the cross-tops, to the elavils 

But I will walk 

Down to the end 

With you 

If you will come 

All the way down 

With me." 

I felt a little hope rising in my chest, but it tamped down as soon as I noticed it. This was it, I could tell. I could always tell. 

She carried on, her voice having lost its luster, its polish, now tender and raw. "From the entrance to the exit, is farther than it looks from where we stand 

I wanna say I'm sorry for stuff I haven't done yet 

Things will shortly get completely out of hand 

I can feel it in the rotten air tonight 

In the tips of my fingers, in the skin on my face 

In the weak last gasp of the evening's dying light 

In the way those eyes I've always loved illuminate this place," Her own eyes flit back up to me, the corner of her mouth twitching, all in a split second before she looked away from me again. "like a trash can fire, in a prison cell 

Like the searchlights, in the parking lots of hell 

I will walk 

Down to the end..." 

There was an excruciating silence. I felt like my heart had been violently ripped out of my chest. Why does she tease me so? 

"... With you 

If you will come 

All the way down 

With me." 

The song broke into an instrumental, and I couldn't bear to look at her. I looked past her, at the fire, to notice it was a cold, silvery blue. 

Because that's exactly what I felt. 

Cold. 

The icy sting of betrayal and disappointment and fear that I had shut out for years, that I didn't let myself truly feel. It all came rushing in, flooding my body.