The Story Of My Life

every day's a new day

So..after yesterday I woke up really optimistic..ya know a little skin care, salt bath and bath bombs pampered myself and then I remembered I have school, yay!. I mean that ugly blue uniform...I wish we had casuals.

But anyway so today was today, I'm gonna list 3 good things and 3 bad things and we're going to walk through it.

Good..
1. I'm feeling really pretty
2.I don't have to babysit my brother
3.My crush was not there in school

Bad..
1.I had a fight with my dad
2.By evening all the optimistism was gone
3.My crush was not there in school

I mean its good and bad that he wasn't there, cuz I want wear a traffic cone on my head and walk around after what happened yesterday and.....oh god I'm rambling

There are like mainly two emotions sad and happy, but I feel like I'm having both .

Sometimes I just want to end things....
And sometimes I wanna like just for the heck of it, and all these emotions are not only because of a boy, its all together every thing.

I feel sad even though I have nothing to feel Sad about. I don't feel like getting of my bed, I don't want to eat, don't want walk, nothing just lie in my bed..

I did some research on Google and it says that I have depression but, where I come from mental health is not at all valued.

I dream to be someone but my body can't support, and I don't want to be someone, I want to be me

All this comparison, she has such good grades why don't I

He has such a big house with a backyard that can fit a waterfall why don't I

She has had 3 boyfriends till now I haven't even got mine's attention

All my peers have lost thier v cards why haven't I am I really that ugly that I can't even get a single fvck

All this jealousy bottled up in me makes me sad, every day I see these People and feel the same unhappy emotion all over again.

I tell myself it's temporary that it will go away but it doesn't its got its claws embedded in my skin. It hurts to not be able to give back to people who do so much for you..

I AM SO SORRY MAA