Billie Eilish smut and imagines (slow updates)

Im Tired

THIS IS A SAD IMAGINE!! This is full of angst sorry 😞

Note: Billie x reader (g!p or not) not comfortable don't read.

Description: Y/n has felt depressed these past few days, after seeing her girlfriend surprise her in a whole different way. She felt like she didn't have the trust to forgive her. Now she has lost her happiness, but has she lost her too?

Warnings: depression, s3lf h@rm, argument (is that a trigger? Idk), suicide attempt.

I missed anything PLEASE tell me!
———————-———————-———————-———-

When I made it to Bils house I didn't expect to see a man in the living room cuddling and kissing her as I walked in. I felt my eyes start to water but I took a deep breath and calm down I wiped my eyes quick as I called out.

"Wow."

She looks at me with a surprised look, like she didn't know I was coming.

"Babe it's not what it looks like." I see her stand up as fast as possible and try to come near me. "Don't." I say holding my hand out. She looks down.

"Ok." She whispers under her breath. I feel my eyes start to water again. I look at her play toy on the couch, seeing him look at me with confusion. "If I knew you were gonna do this, I wouldn't have loved you." I look at her straight in her eyes. I keep eye contact as I walk to the door. I walk out to my car and drive out of her driveway. I get onto the public street, feeling the tears down my cheek. I drive having my vision blurry.

(Play song if you feel like it.)

I start to think of how tired I am. I was already dealing with much yet this added onto it. I made it to a red light I wipe my eyes. I keep repeating how tired and sick I felt. I felt sick of my tears, tired of how they ran down my cheek. It's like they were racing to see who can win. I just thought I'd I were to drive and wreck I'd be cut loose from this feeling. This world. I know how hard I was fighting no one else knew except me. I know everyone's done with me and my problems. I know it's true because I feel that way.

I can feel this wave of depression hit me again and I swerve on the road. I swerve so much, I just don't wanna win this fight with myself. The only way is dying. I felt my hands slowly drag off the wheel leaving no time. I think of how I'll be on my way to happiness and freedom. I let my hands fall completely feeling the car swerve to the left lane. I don't know how long it took but why would I wanna stay in a world that can't keep me. I'm tired, so so tired. I felt a harsh hit on my car and on my body. That's the last thing I felt before I shut my eyes forever.

I woke up to see myself in my bed. I stood up and wondered why it didn't work. Am I even alive? Was it a dream? I walked to my bathroom looked at myself I grabbed a razor from my drawer and slit my wrist seeing the blood leak down my hand and arm. I looked at the bath through the mirror. What if? No it won't work. It didn't work last time. I just couldn't stop staring. I made up my mind. I walked to my door locked and turned the bath on. Once I got my bath running and it was full to where I needed I stepped inside with my clothes still on.

I grabbed my razor again and slit my arm from wrist to elbow. Seeing all that blood made me lightheaded. I tilted my head back looking at the ceiling. I felt my eyes droop low. As I did I heard someone running to my room.

I woke up again but in a hospital. When I looked around I heard running coming towards the room. I looked at the door seeing Billies head pop in the door.

"Hi.." She says quietly. "Hi." Anyone can hear the hoarseness in my voice. "I brought some water for your voice. Also the doctor is coming in soon." She hands me the cup. "How did you know I was awake already?" I look at her up and down confused on how she knew. "Well I saw your eyes peak open then shut so I thought you were awake,then I went to get some water, and then told the doctor you were up!" She stated confidently.

When I saw how she smiled at me I felt my heart explode. Then I remember why I'm even here. "You know why I'm here right?" I ask angrily getting irritated by the scene repeating In my head. "I- I do.." she looks down disappointed in her actions. "I promise if you give me another chance I'll give you all I got and more." she says trying not to make eye contact, with a small smile on her face. I felt my lips unconsciously grin. "I don't know if I can trust you." I bite my lip with anxious thoughts weighing on my mind.

"I know it's going to be hard." She grabs my hand. I felt like I was gonna throw up. I just hope they realize that I'm still trying even if I don't want to. I know I'm trying too hard then I should. I keep thinking of how I only have little love to give her now she used all of it on him. I don't feel it's enough. I wanna stay. I wanna stay with her. I am going to keep fighting with myself daily bc of this decision, but I can't see myself with anyone else.

I know I'll find my way out of this depression. I want that to happen with her. I know we'll find it. I just don't know when or how. I felt myself about to fall asleep when the doctor walked in. I felt myself shake and let go of her hand and the eyes roll to the back of my head. I could hear screaming, but it was soon drowned out by the sound of the ocean. That turned out to be a red sea. I saw how I felt connected to the water. So I walked into it deeper and deeper till my head couldn't leave from underneath the surface. I know I'm on my way to a better place, I'm sorry.

————————————————————————————

🫤
I don't know 🤷‍♂️ I also didn't really edit this thats much bc I was tired and I transported this from my tumblr (happymommas) it was a draft so you guys got to read it first! Yay 😁. See ya!