The Seed of Your Sins

Lifeless

I take a deep breath and look out the window, look at the sky, it's blue it's beautiful. A whole world out there, a whole world I want no part of. I look at myself across the blank TV screen and I see me. I see me for what I've become.

I rest my hands over my eyes, soon over the hair before my forehead, swiftly pulling it all the way back. I smile shutting my eyes as my tears, they fall softly. I can't help but ask myself as I do every other day, 'How much longer?' 

The sun is at the horizon. Its very hot. But the water, it keeps dripping, each time louder than before. Nothing to stop the echoes it leaves behind. 

I drag myself across the cold grey marble floor getting ahold of everything on my way. The receding sign of footsteps into the sound of nothing, the reflection of lights over the sink, the perpetual tile walls, everything still ingrained into my brain.

I feel dirty, I feel pathetic. All I want is to wish this were a dream, all I want is to scratch and scrape this wretchedness off. I wash, and wash, and wash some more but nothing I do ever seems to gets rid of this stench. My hands, my lips, my womb, my heart, they bleed timelessly. 

If it were a canvas it would be filled with swatches of red and blue. If it were a window, it would have no signs of life at all. Sweat, water, tears, blood all merging into one, washing my face, I brace myself for what I'll see next.  

But my heart, it drops with every look into the mirror. All I see before me is flesh falling apart, empty spaces adorned with bruises, blood seeping through the cracks, truly a masterpiece, an artwork of blue, red, purple and black. 

Words are waiting but my voice isn't ready. I open my mouth but all that comes out is air.

For it seems, the seeds of your sins don't fade, instead they grow within me leaving me lifeless each passing day.