Square- Ruikasa

147 10 6

by DhahKhari

by DhahKhari

THIS FIC IS SUPER BAD I JUST DROPPED IT BC I WAS FEELING GOOFY LOL

Rui and I had been dating for a year now, I really couldn't have asked for better. That's the lie I've been telling myself, at least. I really could ask for better. As much as Rui means to me, I simply cannot see us continuing this relationship. I tried my hardest to keep my feelings towards him, and yet it appears they've slipped out from my grasp. I have to tell him soon, soon... When did this feeling even start?

2 months ago

I had noticed something.

I knocked on the front door of the dimly lit home, awaiting an answer. A answer I got, the tall man I refer to as "my boyfriend" opened the door. I saw a smile immediately grace his face, I can't bear to witness anything else. "Ah, Tsukasa. Come in, I imagine it's rather cold outside." I nodded and entered the warmth of his home. I took my shoes off and placed them neatly next to Rui's. This was the first time I had ever entered his home, it had a strange feeling to it. I couldn't describe it, it just seemed... off. "My parents aren't home today, they're going to be away for a few days. Perfect coincidence, don't you think, Tsukasa?" I nodded, "Yeah, I'd say. I told my parents I'm at a friends house for the night, so they won't think much of it. Plus, we're seniors anyways, I don't think they would particularly care." Rui smiled, "Of course, my love. Allow me to escort his majesty to my room, feel free to make yourself comfortable." He outstretched his hand to me, and I took it. He led me through seemingly empty halls. No paintings, no flower vases, just bare grey walls. We approached upon a door, seemingly Rui's bedroom. He opened the door, and that's when I noticed it.

His room is square, I noticed from there. He gestured me in, so I took his offer and surveyed his room. Everything has it's own place, I wonder what space I'll take in the order he kept. Rui chuckled, "This room is the only neat thing I've been in. Mostly because I don't spend any time in here, I'm only ever here if I feel like sleeping. I figured since i was having you over, I might as well make use of this room." I turned my head to face Rui, I once again noticed something. His eyes seem... different. I couldn't put my finger on it, he just didn't seem like himself. "Rui, it's getting rather late. I came here at an unfortunate time, I'm aware. Did you already have dinner?" Rui nodded, "I did, in fact. Have you?" I gave him a thumbs up, "Yup!" I lied. I had tried to eat like his boyfriend, just tea. I have to keep my figure. I can't slip up. I can't. I hadn't even noticed Rui was now right in front of me, I suppose I had spaced out. He tugged on the collar of my shirt, "Do you have pajamas? Or are you just going to sleep in your day clothes?" I shrugged, "I usually just sleep in boxers. I hope that isn't an issue?" Rui chuckled, "No no, quite the opposite actually." He had that teasing tone he usually assigns to his jokes. I huffed and crossed my arms, in a pouting sort of fashion, "Yeah, I'm sure it is. Just for that, I'm keeping my shirt on." Rui feigned a sad expression, "Oh my love, how you wound me!" I couldn't hold back my laughter. I let out a small laugh, "Alright alright, finnneeeee. Since you just insist."

We're both in bed, right next to each other. Despite being skin to skin, I can't help but feel distant to him. The hunger got to me, I can't sleep at this rate. I sat up and rest my body against the headboard, observing the room further. Rui is fast asleep, I wonder what he's dreaming about. I looked closer at him, why am I not feeling anything? I'm next to my boyfriend who is practically half naked, why am I not feeling any sort of way about it? I'm not embarrassed, happy, giddy, excited, nothing. I feel nothing. Why must I sit here, waiting for something to earn? I set my head back on the pillow and forced my eyes shut. Can't feel the pain if I'm not awake to experience it.

Current day, January 2nd

Ever since that night, I had realized that I no longer feel anything for Rui. I suppose that lack of feeling had been there a while, but that was when I actually realized it. Even after all this time, I was waiting for something to earn. I can't do this anymore. I can't.

I'm sitting here in a small café, face to face with who appears to be my boyfriend. Conversation was small, I tried my hardest to keep up. I just... can't. After we finished our drinks, I paid the bill and we left. The minute we stepped outside, we were greeted by snow. What is that quiet of snow in the night? It falls and falls, burying everything, even my feelings. Even the ones I thought were dear to me. The dark rings with white noise as you stand and drown. Maybe it's all of these snowflakes screaming a choir of mute as they brace for the ground. I look to the side and notice my mothers car pull up, I suppose it's time for me to go.

I turn my head back to Rui and force a smile, a sad and pathetic smile. "Well that's my ride, hope you had a good night." I paused for a second, debating whether I should end it, here and now. Fuck it. "You know, you made me happy..." I saw Rui's face drop. I'm so sorry. I held my hand out to him, "Here, shake my hand. You make such a good man." I could tell, he was hesitant. He softly grabbed my hand and shook it. I sighed, "Never once did you know me." I let go, his touch was burning. Rui stuttered, "I-I don't understand."

The emotions I thought I had lost came spilling out, "I tried my hardest, for how do you learn? God's very simple, and love doesn't burn. And maybe you'd offer me all that I yearned for. But I was still waiting for something to earn." I couldn't bear to look at his face anymore. I turned around and got in the car, looking back to see a defeated Rui. I was nearly brought to tears,

"Silly me waiting."