Passion Of Mafia.

Selfish

My eyes peel open and I yawn feeling like I haven't slept fully in months.

"Blake?"

"Yes?" I shake.

"I need a shower... I have blood all over me." he leans over and looks at me and nods.

"Why do you have blood on you?" I ignore his question, and he doesn't pry.

He helps me get undressed and he cringes every time I groan in pain or when he sees the marks all over my back and front.

Blake leads me into the shower, and helps me while he's fully clothed.

"I can handle it here." I give him a shy smile. I feel venerable naked, and I don't want him to see me like this.

He nods and leaves sadly.

-----

"Are you hungry?" I shift in my spot painfully turning to him.

After the hot shower I came back into the room and laid back down, and he joined me.

"Yes, but I'm afraid of what your men might look at me like." I lower my head into the pillow ashamed.

"Hey look at me." he was soft but demanding. I comply and look at him.

"Yes they saw what happened to you, but your not going to be the only one looked at..." Blake looks deep inside of me and suddenly I understand what he means.

"They know?" he nods his head shamefully.

"Why?" I move my hand to his cheek and he leans into it.

"Because Micah, Jake and my bother, and sister didn't understand why I so badly wanted my father dead, and they needed to know, and in my family rumors spread quick." I nod my head.

"I love you Blake Grey." I kiss his cheek and wince when I feel my body in protest when I lean. I slowly lean my back, back up so I can let it breath.

"Are you going to be okay?" Blake sounds so weak and it scares me.

"I don't know..." My voice travels away from me. Wiping away the bad memories for now something I've been wanting to ask slips.

"What's your middle name?" I hear him softly chuckle.

"Black." another color?

I slightly giggle. "Blake Black Grey?" A smile brakes on my face.

"Yes babe, Black." he laughs huskily.

I smile a little and close my eyes. "Well Mr. Blake Black Grey... I'm hungry. I haven't eaten in a couple of days." I say suddenly bitter at the end.

"Okay then let's get something in your belly." Blake shifts in the bed and moved off and around to help me up. He slowly pulls on my arms and up.

I groan as I feel my back stretching because of it's healing.

Blake looks at me worried. The bags under his eyes are becoming more noticeable.

"You need sleep." He wraps his hands behind my hips to help me stay up. I want to tell him no, but I need the little help. I can't really trust my legs at the moment.

"I don't think I'll be sleeping in a long while. I will need to watch over you." he yawns.

"Even your father. He loves you, you know." I suddenly feel irritated that he thinks I should forgive him.

"He hit me, and he's the one that made me take a walk." we move towards the door and out.

"I hit you too." he sounds sad for a split second, but it's gone quickly.

"Not because you where angry with me; it was an accident." My voice raises, and I'm way more irritated now.

"I don't want to fight. I love you, and I just got you back. Please let's not fight today." I nod agreeing with him.

He smiles "Good!" I giggle under my breath letting our argument slide for now, but not forgotten.

We take it slow as we walk down the stairs and I can feel my belly churn at the soreness, along with my lower area.

"I want to tell you something." I whisper feeling oddly shameful.

We stop near the kitchen an he looks at me.

"I've had sex with three people now." I close my eyes. I needed to tell him.

I open my eyes and he looks confused. "Three? and you didn't 'have' you where forced." He he shakes his head sadly.

I wait for that one question that I know will bother him. "Three? Who is the third? Did my father--" he closed him eyes.

I can feel his intense anger build.

"Let it go. I'm here now." his eyes open wide.

"Let it go?!" he half shouts.

I feel my heart quicken and I walk into the kitchen with Blake hot on my heels.

The kitchen goes silent as I enter along side Blake who is steaming. Jack stands next to Jonah talking with him.

My eyes meet Jacksons and I feel Blake grab me and pull me to him.

"It was him! Wasn't it?" Blake yells.

He then let's go off me and storms his way to Jack and punches him in the face and then pushes him to the wall grabbing hold of his throat.

Jonah screams and covers his ears.

"Did you fuck my girl!" No one dares to move.

Jacks eyes turn red, and he looks at me asking if I was gonna tell.

"Blake!" I scream.

"It was Max!" I hear my voice crack. Tears start to roll down my soft cheeks without control. The memories I so badly want to push back surface.

Blake let's go, and Jack slides down the wall coughing, and turns to me. I know exactly what he's thinking... And it hurts to think he would think that. He wants to know before or after we met. He's not thinking straight I bled the night we had sex.

"Before or after?" His face gets red and his fists clench.

"You know! Your the one that took my virginity that night." I spit feeling once again betrayed.

Little Jonah whimpers snapping me out of me and Blake's stare down.

Jonah has his eyes screwed shut and it shatters my heart. Moving hastily I walk over to Jonah and remove his hands.

I can see Jack out of the corner of my eye trying to catch his breath and I can hear his loud coughs.

"Your okay. Daddy is okay." I reassure him.

Jonah opens his eyes and looks sadly at me with his blotchy red eyes.

I turn to Blake and spit coldly. "Max was apart of the Mafia. He works for your father, and he had this delusional thought that I wanted him." Blake's eyes open wide and fill with empathy, but I don't want it.

"Come here Jonah." I grab the little boy stiffly in my hands and he rests his head on my shoulder whimpering.

I look at Jack. "I'm going to get him and me some food." he nods his head and then coughs again.

Taking Jonah into the kitchen further I stop just close enough for Blake to hear me.

"Not fight? I told you because I needed you to know that I cant be all of yours anymore." I turn on my heel and walk out into the kitchen where the cooks cook. I slightly get a glimpse of Blake and he looks pale and lost.

I few tears fall and I wipe them away angry.

I hate my self.

I hate my body.

And I hate the love I have for one man.

"Don't cwry." I look down at Jonah and he's look straight at me.

"I'm sorry buddy." I sniff and close my eyes calming my self.

When I open them I make a silent promise to my self.

No more tears. I will not cry. I'm tired of crying.

I let the last tear fall and I know it will be the last for a long time. I feel my emotions wipe out, and all I feel is the need to take care of Jonah, and get my mind off the topic of being raped an touched in ways I never wanted.

"Okay. What do you want to eat little man?" he smiles.

"Pancake! Pancake!" he squeals and I nod.

"Okay." I walk over to the cook and order out.

"We would like some pancakes." the chief nods and starts to whip up the food.

I walk Jonah to a stool in the kitchen and I lean my head on the cool counter feeling drained.

I'm afraid of what might happen if I go back out into the other kitchen. The kitchen was full of men and he had to just burst in there and yell to Jack if he had raped me.

I groan. I miss it being simple. Even when I first met Blake. He was demanding heartless, and I hated it, but he didn't drag me into a world that I so badly fought for not to happen.

I worked years to make sure men like Blake never see the other end of the bars, but now I have fallen for the criminal, and become the criminal.

And Max. He took advantage of me, and I climaxed.

Does that mean I want him or wanted him?

What about the Law Ferm? Max built that place from scratch, but now he's dead.

I killed him. Dread fills me, and I know that I could never really feel bad for killing Max because he deserved it, but to think I would have met Blake no matter what.

Some how I would have been connected to him rather than sooner, but later. Max said he wanted me, and he was gonna take me eventually.

I groan and put my head in my hands.

I'm thinking way to much.

"Daddy!" I look up to see Jonah hugging Jack.

"What's this! Your eating pancakes?" Jonah nods and giggles.

I feel a slight small smile on my face. "Are you okay?" for a second I thought someone else asked that, but I realized it was my own unrecognizable voice.

"Ya fine, nothing I'm not used to." I cringe and suddenly feel my lower area burn.

"Ow." I grab my belly and cringe shutting my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Jack walks to me and tries to touch me, but I flinch away.

"I'm fine I probably just need to eat." His lips thin out just like Blake's does when he's thinking.

"Really I'm good." I force on him.

He shakes his head, and then nods.

"Breakfast is served." two plates are placed him front of me and I move one towards Jonah.

I notice purple starting to form around Jack's nose and left eye.

"He told me to stay away from you." He chuckles.

"Well I can't. Your training me." He scrunches his nose.

"You still want to train?" I nod nonchalantly.

The pain in my belly makes me cringe again and I pull the plate of food towards me and slowly start to break the food and eat it.

"Daddy! Hewlp" I see Jonah struggling to break his food.

Jack breaks Jonah's food and helps him eat.

I put a peace of pancake in my mouth and I moan loudly as my taste buds have a field day. My mouth waters and I grab another peace.

I notice that Jonah and Jack are starring at me and I get uncomfortable.

"Maybe they are hunger pains?"

"W-whaat hungrr pains?" I talk with a full mouth.

"You haven't eaten in well over three days. That pain in you belly it's hunger pains... hopefully." I chose to ignore the the 'hopefully' and continue to eat.

I am down to my last bite and I'm about the grab it when Jack steels it off my plate.

"Hey! take your sons food!" I whine like a five year old.

"I can't he doesn't like that." Jack snickers.

"What! I don't like it either." I gulp.

I'm still hungry.

"Is there still food in the other kitchen?" Jack nods.

I suck in a breath and wobble over to the other kitchen.

I walk in to the kitchen and a bunch of men are scarfing down food like pigs, but they completely stop once they see me.

My heart jumps into my mouth. I quickly eye the food and grab a plate and fill it with the food.

I feel all their gazes leave mine suddenly and I know someone's behind me.

"You okay?" I feel hot breath on my ear.

I nod to Jack and he grabs my plate for me and leads me back into the other kitchen.

-----

I left Jack and Jonah about fifteen minutes ago. I told Jack I needed some time to think, and now here I am walking around.

I haven't seen Blake at all. It's like he's trying to avoid me.

My back is starting to throb along with my head. My belly hasn't hurt in awhile so I'm guessing Jack was right about the hunger pains.

I miss Blake's old house. I had just figured out where everything was, and then we had to come here.

"Hey! gies look at this!" I here a very deep mans voice.

I follow the voice and enter in to a room with a flat screen tv. Blake runs in seconds later and Jack trails behind agitated.

"Law Ferm Owner Max Henderson brutally murdered inside home."

"Missing women Alex Hart, who the police assume died in the house fire at the Grey estate last week still has not been located. Along with the Grey men who haven't been found."

"This is Channel 6 news. I'm Olivia Shim"

My face goes pale. They know I killed Max. They must know.

My chest becomes heavy and I feel light headed. They think I'm dead.

"Alex sit." I feel a hand touch me and I flinch away.

"Do-Don't touch me." I move and sit on the couch.

"Alex?" Jack bends down to my eye level.

"What did you do with my knife?" I feel a sudden fit of giggles erupt in side of me.

"Last I saw it, it was logged inside Max's artery that's was bleeding out." I laugh.

"You should have seen him. He was so scared of me." I look at Jack.

"I loved it." I can feel my self slipping away from reality.

"He got what was coming to him. I only wish you done it sooner. Max had done a lot of shit. Blake I need you to get the knife out of the cops hands. It has Alex's prints and mine all over it." he sounds serious.

"Are you okay." I shake my head and stand.

"I'll never be okay."

I turn to Blake who looks so broken, but I know I'm the only one who can see this.

The men that stand in the room stare at me shocked.

"I need to talk to you." Blake commands.

I nod and follow him into his office moments later.

He sits in his chair and puts his hands in his head.

I sit in the chair across the desk. I don't lean back as my back protests any contact.

"I never wanted this for you." my heart quickens at the sound of his voice.

"I killed him because I wanted to, and because he deserved it..." I close my eyes.

Will they find the prints of my mine and Jacks fingers?

"What about the knife?" I ask scared all of a sudden.

"Ill handle it..." He sounds deep in thought.

"I can't believe you killed him." he sounds suddenly prideful, but sad.

"He made me climax does that mean I want him?" I feel like I'm choking on air.

"What?" Blake's eyes snap to mine.

"I had no control, and I hated it." Blake walks to me and kneels down in front of me.

"Did my father make you--" I shake my head.

"No." I whisper.

"Alex look at me." I lift my chin and see him.

"I love you no matter what. You are not as experienced with sex and you didn't know how to control it. I will find my father and I will kill him." I nod feeling weight on my shoulders lift a tad.

"You know Jack went through exactly what you went through as a kid, but his lasted longer." I see Blake stiffen.

"I don't want you near him and his kid." I shake my head.

"That's not your decision to make. He saved me." I lay my hands on his head and run my fingers through his silky black hair.

"You remind me of your father, and it scares the living shit out of me." I whisper leaning my head to his.

"I'm sorry." he whispers. "For everything."

I stay quiet as we stay in this position for a few more minutes.

"Can I ask you something?" I whisper.

"Anything." he looks at me questionably.

"I-" I breath. "I feel dirty, and I want it gone, I need you. Can you help me rid this awful feeling I have?"

He looks at me and nods understanding. "Now?"

"Yes." he grabs my hand and pulls me up gently.

"Come let's go to our room." We walk hand in hand to his room, and we avoid all the confused looks everyone is giving us.

We make it up the stairs and I see my dad sitting against the stair case with his head in his hands.

He looks up at me and I can see the broken heart. He looks the way he did when he would talk about my mother.

"Please Alex." he cries.

I give him a short smile and keep walking with Blake.

I here the soft cries from my father, but I ignore them because what I need now is Blake.

We reach his door and he asks me if I'm sure.

"I'm sure." he nods and opens the door and pulls me in.

"Tell me to stop at any moment and I will." I shake my head.

"Be selfish with me. I need this."

I LOVE THIS CHAPTER!!!!!

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AHHHH. It's odd to think we are half way through. Time flies.