Delicious

Burning Desire

I think that everything in my past led me to this moment. From my first kiss when I was in fourth grade, with Antonio Perez who was in second grade, to my quinceañera when my youngest cousin, who was only twelve years old but who I've always had a crush on, asked me to dance and I almost fainted on the ground. Even the fact that I masturbated for the first time yesterday, alone in my room, using my hands and listening to a playlist made for girls who can't figure out why the fuck they like what they like, led me to this moment.

As soon as we got to the 10th grade class party, Vanessa was staring at me dauntingly, like she was daring me to say or do something, but I didn't want to do either. I was feeling uncomfortable, surrounded by boys who wanted to fuck everything that moved and girls that pretended to be drunk so that boys would make a move on them. That's the worst part of being young and it makes it worse for me, liking what I like.

-Have you seen anything that you want? -Vanessa finally asked me, intently and fast, like she'd been meaning to ask that for a while. I noticed that she had her eye somewhere in the back, and I followed where she was looking.

A group of boys were standing by the drinks and chips table, and they were all laughing and talking between them, afraid to split their little comfort group. I realized right away which boy she was looking at because it was the one boy I would never look at. He was definitely the oldest person in the room. His name was Gabriel, part of the Chess team. I told her that, but she wasn't listening to me. Before I took my eyes off him, I saw him smile at her.

A movement by his side caught my eye and there I saw him. The reason my destiny brought me up to that moment. That same reason was wearing a dark red shirt, like the color of wine, and he had one hand in his pocket and with the other one he held a drink. But it didn't seem like he was drinking it, more like it was a way to keep busy; like he was trying to hide the fact that he was nervous.

-He positively looks like a first grader -Vanessa said by my side, and I took my eyes off him to look at her. She had a smirk on her face. I rolled my eyes.

-He does not.

He didn't look like a first grader, but he did look youngish. Younger than anyone in that place and I was sure he was not even in high school. That fact made me want to get out of the party, because it was not possible that the only guy I liked was so out of my age of consent. But that's always been my problem. All of my girlfriends have always liked older guys, and for every time I've gone out with them to a party, to a house, to meet people, I've never been interested in any of them. Not because they are not cute, because of course they are. I've met a lot of handsome guys, and there was even one who tried to take me on a second date. The first one was to the movies and he just kept talking about his football team and how he was good at everything he tried. The amount of sureness in his voice made me feel out of place. I never returned any of his calls after that day. I just never really liked older guys, or guys my age. They always seem to be more interested in what they have to tell you than what you tell them. But I've never held a conversation with a younger guy that I liked either, so I wouldn't know if it was a guy thing or an age thing.

I followed Vanessa, some spaces behind her, as she approached the group, trying to avoid any contact with the baby boy. I always use that nickname on cute young guys I see on the streets to take off the handsomeness in them. It never works, but I never give up. The no contact thing didn't work, because as soon as I made my way to the drinks, I felt his eyes on me. His body language was not of a nervous person anymore, but that of one who was ready to catch a prey, to attack on a body. I raised my eyes to him and it was a mistake. He had a deer caught in the headlights-like look, like he was expecting something from me, or just expecting me. He reminded me of Bambi, and I wondered, as he approached me, if I would end up as smashed as everytime I watched that movie.