Waking up late-
The moment my feet touches the cold marble
I feel the life drain out of me.
Looking around-
Everything's neat and kept in place
Everything is taken care of.
Guilt. Burdened.
It's too soon to let those feelings eat me
So I push them away, yet I know they'll devour me later tonight.
Walking out of the darkroom, "What do you want to eat?"
Anything is fine but gets disappointed with what they bring
I don't want to eat anymore, the sight of food is making me choke.
The noises get louder in my head
But I shout at the people around me.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
I wish I could say. Instead, I only end up locking myself away.
There's nothing here I could help with
Small things that I'd like to do;
"Don't waste your time."
I must be using those minutes on something political they say.
I smile and move on with the day
But the day never goes in hand with me
Each new sunrise brings a new kind of sadness into life.
Never cried having a bowl of hot noodles, but today I did.
Try to get over it, try to think of something happy
Try to read...
I try, I fail, I try, I fail yet again.
Surviving on the little rush of dopamine every day
And I could feel even my brain going numb
on that very hormone that was meant to boost my serotonin.
It's like there's nothing to smile about
More like there has never been
More like I have everything except the will to live.
—Laxmi Bhargavi Golla
YOU ARE READING
SUICIDE LETTERS
RandomI'm fine but I still write them sometimes... I think we all do it, we all feel it. We try not to give into them but sometimes we stay in that sadness and let ourselves read those rotten thoughts.
