A Doubtful Heart

- 11 -

He was afraid that Syn would answer to break up, but deep down was hoping that He would just ask some more time to think.
Syn broke their gazed and stood up, keeping his mixed feelings for himself.

'' I am so lost Nuer. You can do whatever you want, but leave me some space to think. ''

------

As he was getting home, Syn felt empty. His steps were leading him, following the familiar path, but his mind and heart were empty. He didn't quite understand how hurt he was but did understood that what Nuer has done was way beyond what he would have expected from his boyfriend.

Soon enough he was home, sitting on his bed, zoning out. Many things have happened in less than a month. From him being blindly in love with Nuer to him doubting the truth of their feelings. Their love seemed like a flower which the roots were being removed.

Feeling overwhelmed he let himself lying on his bed, and closed his eyes to sleep. Maybe once he would have slept, everything would transform to a bad nightmare already forgotten. He struggled to sleep, fighting against his own fear and doubt. Everything was a lie...Restraining his tears he fell asleep before he even realized it as the sudden amount of emotion was too hard to handle.

The next day his eyes were brutally assault by the light. He pouted as he reproached himself for forgetting to close the curtains. The he remembered. Everything was true. A quick hope made him take his phone, hoping from a text from Nuer. A text were he would say something like '' it was just a joke. ''
That would have been a really bad joke though. But no text from Nuer seemed to be received. Only one notification was here.

Two messages from UNKNOWN NUMBER

Hesitating, Syn finally opened it. It was Rain.

Syn sighted. He had a memory of Rain being the nicest of Nuer's friend but also did imagine that if he had received a message from him, it was certainly to ask him to forgive Nuer.

He started to read, already done just by the idea, but curious. Inside him he was still looking for an escape to start over their relationship. He loved Nuer way more than he could have imagined indeed.

Hey Syn,

It's Rain.
I'm Nuer's friend. I don't know if you remember me, I was sitting next Nuer and we were kind of drunk so we didn't talk that much that night. I wanted to write you for few reasons :
First of all, what Nuer did is unforgivable. What we did is unforgivable.

So what am I supposed to do? Asked himself Syn. He kept on reading though.

What seemed to have start as a game took a much more complicated approach that what we thought would happen. I'm not here to force you to forgive him: sometimes learning from your mistake is the best lesson in life.
But I'd like you to read his letter.

'' his letter''? Syn was as surprised by Rain words than he was surprised about the' 'letter' '. Could it be the' letter they were talking about on the first day? Then Nuer wouldn't like him to read.

I don't know if you remember it but on our encounter we laughed about a letter. The reason why Nuer didn't want you to read was because in every each of his letter he was talking about the bet. He has been meaning to tell you everything for some time now but couldn't or didn't at the end.

The first text was followed by a picture of a letter.
Syn restrained himself from reading and got off his bed to wash then to go to pray. Only prayers would help him.

As he was walking to the temple, the text was still in his mind. He was curious. Really curious. Before he could enter the temple, he met once again Win who shook his head.

'' She is inside. Let's drink something and come-back later. ''

'' But - "

'' Trust me, she won't let you breath and pray if you enter there.''

Syn sighted a little pout appearing on his face which made Win laughed.

'' Let's go, seems like you have a lot in mind. ''

'' I guess we could say that. Is that, that obvious? ''

Win nodded and leaded the way to the closest coffee shop. Once they sat and ordered Win started the conversation :

'' I guess you didn't break up? ''

'' N-no. Not exactly. I just, I didn't actually put words on the situation and told him what upset me. And now I am trying to take some time to think. ''

'' That's good.''

'' Really? But you were the one who told me to break up. ''

'' Hm. I guess yes, but just because it would have make you think if you were really ready to forgive him. ''

'' Your way of thinking isn't helpful... I shouldn't ask you for help then. ''

Win laughed and nodded.

'' I know right. But actually I think it's good that you didn't put an end to your relationship. Seems like you deeply love your boyfriend. I bet you received some textes from his friend? ''

Syn looked at him surprised.

'' That's frequently how things go you know.... ''

Syn nodded and took his phone with the unread picture on it.

'' His friend sent me a picture of a letter he wrote them about me... But I don't know if I should read it. ''

'' What do you expect from him now? ''

'' To act in a way I can forgive him? ''

'' Does he know how to? ''

'' I don't know... ''

'' Maybe you should then read the letter to know what to expect? ''

'' You might be right. ''

Syn put back his phone in his bag. He should read that at home.

'' But isn't it one of your reverse mind trick where I should actually not read it? ''

Win smiled, finding Syn really funny by how innocent he was.

'' Maybe, maybe not? What do you think about it? ''

'' I... ''

But he couldn't answer as his phone was ringing.

'' I have to answer, I'm sorry. ''

It was Kuea.