"Semyon Semyonovich does not wish to believe in this phenomenon and deems it an optical illusion."
━Daniil Ivanovich Kharms, Optical Illusion
I didn't think it would be so late when I left for home. The air was cold and still and the redheaded trees stood firm and resolute in their orderly rows, looking down on me sternly. In the world inside my mind however, there was no room for such primness. Within it letters, figures and long pondered equations were shifting, turning, overlapping each other and amply smudging themselves onto the image of the dark brick road running under my bicycle wheel. I attempted to pick through them and return them to their assigned places. A strong resentment crept over me and cast its long languid shadow over my efforts; I was losing my grip, the earth was sliding from under my feet and letting me fall through. And I knew only too well: as hard as I pedaled, I would never stop gravity from pulling me down.
I maneuvered into the driveway, pushed the bike into the garage, violently pulled down the door. The darkness was already lowering itself down onto the fenced back yard and I avoided looking up at it as I hurried home. I leapt inside the house and quickly shut the door behind me. Leaning back, I breathed out and listened. All was submerged in a greenish grey twilight. It was quiet, in fact it was so quiet that I seemed to hear the hum of still air enclosed in an empty house. I let my backpack fall on the mudroom bench and headed inside.
It was when I was walking towards the kitchen door that I realized I was not alone. I heard the gentle chink of china and a rustle of fabric. An area of warm light lay under the kitchen door on the poorly lit floor. I halted, advanced cautiously and peered in. The light under the red lampshade was on, casting a diffused circle of warmth on the green stone countertop below it. At the counter, in front of a delicate cup and teapot, sat a wild boar.
"Ah... It's you." I felt my lips curl up into a smile.
"Yes, yes, it is me," the boar replied, slightly annoyed. "Now sit down, I've made you a glass of chocolate milk, which I know you like."
I plopped down on a stool opposite her and slid the glass of chocolate milk over to my side.
"You know, Aunt Betty," I said after a moment's hesitation, "I don't think my brain will handle much more of this. I feel like it will simply explode one of these days."
"I wouldn't be surprised in the least." She delicately took a sip from her cup. "Just look how round your head is! Ha! Like a balloon! Of course there's no place for all the new stuff to go anymore."
I laughed. "Aunt Betty, you know that's not how it works."
Aunt Betty drew back, indignant. "You don't believe me?" she said, and I couldn't quite tell if it was a question or an accusation. "Now, just look at that light bulb, hanging directly above you."
She watched closely as I obediently contorted my body to get a good view of the light bulb and confirm that it really was still there.
"It is perfectly round," Aunt Betty continued, "and I assure you, if you touch it, you will be satisfied as to the fact that it is hot enough to explode any minute."
I smiled and looked up once more while Aunt Betty observed my movements over the rim of her teacup. "Go on, go on" she said, "try it for yourself, see how hot it is".
I looked down and shook my head, smiling.
"No, really, go on, just touch it" she persisted.
"Okay, as you wish"
I crawled onto the stool with my knees and reached up. My fingertips couldn't quite reach the spherical glass surface and, without taking my eyes off my goal, I shifted part of my weight onto the counter. When I did so, I got the strange feeling that the light was slowly moving away from my hand. I strained my entire body, and still, the light almost imperceptibly slid upwards.
I was about to comment on this rather disturbing quality of the light bulb when I pulled my eyes away from the sphere and looked down. When I looked down and did not see Aunt Betty. When I looked down and found no counter and no teapot. When, feeling my heartbeat quicken and my hands become cold and stiff, I felt no chair under me.
I could feel the absolute darkness around me. It was dense and viscous.
I searched through the liquid darkness with my hand. Nothing. I saw the same grey static, whichever way I looked. I felt the pressure on my chest steadily grow. I was alone.
I thought I saw something flicker.
Where was Aunt Betty? I wanted to call for her, but I was afraid.
I felt a light shine.
I twisted around.
There it was, directly above me. A sphere of light engulfed in static darkness. Holding it captive with my gaze, I started swimming upwards. I was closer, closer... I reached up to grab it... There was nothing to grab there. I had miscalculated the distance. Without hesitation, I commanded my arms and legs to continue swimming, as fast as they could. The light maintained a safe distance, but I persisted. I felt lighter and lighter as I swam up. I could breathe easily once again.
Suddenly the light disappeared. It simply flickered and vanished. I halted, aghast and lost. That palpable darkness still surrounded me on all sides and the fear of confusing down and up began to grow and shift inside my chest. I stared into the static, searching for the faint contour of a solid shape to focus on and cling to. As I strained my eyes, however, I noticed that the grey darkness was not homogeneous. To my right, there was an area of relative light, just faintly discernible. I now saw its boundaries, I saw two long diagonals setting the limits to a large cone, its base diffusing into darkness far away under my feet. At its tip, above me, I saw a region of milky white. I swam towards the origin of the cone of light; whether that direction was upwards, downwards or parallel to the surface of Earth, I had no way of telling. I discovered at the cone's point a circular hole in a cold stone barrier. Eagerly, I grabbed its edges and pulled myself through the opening, like one would pull oneself out of a pool.
I lay with my eyes closed on the warm cobblestones, letting the last diagonal rays of the disappearing sun dry me off. The light shone crimson through my eyelids and my skin prickled from its warmth. I watched as the red light slowly deepened in tone and was finally replaced by a cold dirty green. The sun had set. It was time to get up.
The road in front of me gently curved downwards. It was perfectly smooth straight, and I knew it would be so until its steady curve brought it back to its beginning in a perfect circle. Above me was the crystalline sky. Below me I saw Earth, a beautifully rounded marble. On its surface white masses were slowly shifting, alive, but they were too far to affect the road's tranquility.
I walked over to the edge and peered down. Below I saw another road, paved the same as the one I was standing on. It ran parallel to mine; however, its surface was perpendicular to that of the earth below. It was not empty. At first a dot on the horizon floating above the pavement, I soon discerned a beetle of my own height progressing slowly towards me. I watched as it came closer. Swaying from side to side like a metronome, it made measured steps with mechanical precision, unrestricted by its black glistening armor. It passed me silently without altering its gait and continued on.
I spotted a figure on the edge of the road as I walked. It was sitting and humming. I came to his side and asked who he was.
"I'm The Goat," he answered merrily, "I live here. Sit down and have some cherries. Fresh from Mars!"
A shrill and somewhat disconcerting laugh followed.
I sat down next to the cherries which stood by his side in a plastic container titled "Krikland Signature Ricotta."
"She's a beauty" The Goat said, nodding in the general direction of Earth. " I watch 'er every single day."
He smiled and popped a cherry in his mouth. "Go on, don't be shy, take 'un," he added with his mouth full.
I took a cherry and popped it in my own mouth.
"So," I said, also with my mouth full, "how long have you been watching?"
"Oh, I dunno..." He spat out the cherry pit and contemplated its graceful parabolic trajectory."From the very beginning I'd say... since Kwooah left."
"Who's Kwooah?" I inquired.
"Kwooah, our galactic hen," he said, surprised, "you know, the one who flies around laying planets."
"But how can that be! Planets are round, they would all roll away!"
"How do you know they're spheres? For all we can see from here, there could be a cone on the other side!"
We sat for a moment in silence and looked down as Earth rotated below our feet. Suddenly it felt as if the sphere had somehow changed, become asymmetrical. My eyes widened when I realized that I was seeing a cone on Earth's surface. I blinked and it was gone. I looked at The Goat inquisitively. He was silently laughing.
The Goat popped another cherry in his mouth.
"First cosmic velocity!" He announced. He finished chewing, swallowed, leaned back and spat. Soon the pit was out of sight.
"You mean it'll come back?"
"Come back? What for?"
The Sun peaked out from behind Earth.
"See the sphere of light? They'll be looking for you," the Goat told me.
He took a cherry, chewed it thoroughly, swallowed and said, "Follow the pit, it'll bring you home."
He leaned back, closed his eyes, calmly opened them again and very carefully and deliberately spat. I pushed off the edge of the road with all my might and dived after the pit. I caught it in my fist and plummeted into the sea of clouds. The Goat smiled and popped another cherry in his mouth.
I plopped down onto my stool. Before me, in the blue light of early morning, I saw my glass of chocolate milk on the otherwise empty counter. No teacup, no teapot... I felt something warm in my hands: I was holding the light bulb. I kneeled on the stool and screwed it into the empty socket under the red lampshade. I smiled. As far as I could tell now, it was a perfect sphere.
