𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 • 𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈

✿ 21.04.22 ✿

He brings me cupcakes, everyday.

But today was different, today felt different. As Noah set down those two delicious desserts on the dining table, I could almost feel a wave of despair coming off of him. It was pouring out of him like a leaky tap would do. Then there was his expression - stone cold eyes fixed in a distant stare, it gave me goosebumps, rather than the warming smile I was used to. Something was definitely off, but with the way he'd quickly said 'I've got to go change', just seconds after dumping his gym bag on the floor, I knew he didn't want to talk about it.

Maybe it was our talk yesterday, when Noah'd come back in the afternoon from Martin's. I apologised to him for accusing him of having sex with Tiffany, and even as I was apologising, I told myself that the man I knew and loved would never do that. I'd been impulsive and accusatory, and slightly swayed by Evie's words the night before. I was going to have a word with her when I got the time.

Noah also apologised for shouting, and making the comments he'd made. He said he'd let his anger get the better of him and he knew he had to change, and I knew from his high school days that he'd had anger issues all his life. However, a small voice spoke in the back of my mind.

He said 'Maybe I deserve better', he said that, didn't he? Shouldn't that be an immediate red flag, that you deserve better too?

No, I'd told myself. No. Noah is the love of my life. We're going to get through whatever this is. We're going to be a happy couple and get married and have kids. I can vision it.

Back to the present, I hear pattering sounds coming from my room all of a sudden, signalling that Noah's having a shower. I turn my gaze towards the cupcakes on the table. I tell myself to save them for later, but can't resist a nibble at the red velvet's chocolate decorations, to me this is the best part.

Then I remember the Tigers' charity game that Noah asked us to go and watch later, and I figure that I should save them for the match: we can cheer them on whist diving into these beauties, sounds like a treat. I realise that it'll be hard for Noah to watch the match rather than being on the other end, like he is usually, but he knows it's important for him to recover completely if he has any chance of playing next season, or ever again.

Noah's POV

I feel the burning hot water gushing down my skin, and part of me relishes in the pain. In the sensation of blood rushing to the surface of my skin, turning it a light browny-red. But the pain of the water reflects the pain I feel inside.

What I have to do later, will be the hardest thing I've ever done.

The nausea I've been feeling in my stomach returns, but I've thrown up far too many times in the last 12 hours. Last night was rough: a cycle of crying, throwing up, and bursts of anger. But quietly, so as to not wake up Maya.

I re-run the gravity of the situation in my head. Who says I have to listen to fucking Tiffany? Even if she sends out that photo, and coach kicks me out of the Tigers, I'll still have Maya. I can just sign onto a different club.

But the Tigers are my life. I signed my five-year contract when I was just 17. I knew it was where I wanted to be; playing football for my home town surrounded by people I grew up with. Yes, I want to sign onto some of the big teams now, but not without finishing my contract. And it wouldn't be fair to let Tiffany take that away from me.

Nevertheless, I would also have to lose Maya. Maya was everything to me. She's my world and my one true love, but deep down I know that no matter how much I try to explain and justify that picture, I know what it looks like. I can't take my chances of her having that impression of me. I'm not a cheater, and I never will be.