My Life as I know it.

" My realization "

In my every day life I'm confused why I'm even here anymore I'm sure it sounds depressing or like if I'm a pick me boy but it's the truth I really don't understand why I'm like this right now and, why I don't really Express it out loud but I'm trying to put it out there for millions too see my story.

so first things first I'm always asking myself if I'm an over thinker and of course I think not but in the moment when I am overthinking I catch myself doing it because, there's so many things in my life right now That make me really sad for no reason just like the other day I was ignored I felt sad like I didn't even wanna be there anymore if I wasn't being shown any attention, and that's the other thing if I'm not shown attention I can get easily depressed I hate it But it's like I disappeared to the people I'm right in front of, is it because I'm not talking?

Do I look weird?

Do I smell?

Do I keep rolling my eyes?

Like I said. . . The overthinking comes back.

But I'm so afraid this overthinking will drive people away from me not gain more support i'm scared to lose my only two friends that I have right now, The only two things that are important to me I've been distancing myself from my family recently I don't know why I just don't feel comfortable anymore, but when I'm with them I feel complete not obsolete
And they really change everything every day even through single text but I know they probably don't feel the same way only I do.

I don't know if I sound creepy saying all this but again it's the truth.

I wanna change for the better or just die because isn't that an easy answer to figure out a way to get out of all these problems in the world but then again if I kill myself I would still have a reason to live.

And even now what my friend said if they saw my "third wheel" friend kill them selves they would off them self too,  But I'm thinking if I killed myself will they be willing to do that fate I know it sounds very silly but it's just the feeling I have like I'm least important to others I wish I wasn't but Then I wish I was.

The cycle will never end and it will have to live with it til the day I die, but all I can be grateful for, is the warmth in my hands and the people that surround me every day.

( sorry if there was a few spelling errors I wrote this like in 10 minutes through text to speech )

( but this story is not ending yet but either way thank you for Reading, the whole point of this story is just to tell my life & my emotions, I will be writing more when I
get the chance, But please be patient. )