I woke up.And remembered.. Max wont be in my life..ever again.I kept on looking up at the sky,wondering if he's looking down on me..Wondering what he would be thinking..why aren't you crying? Tbh max.. I dont know either..I miss you like fuck,my pain is horrendous,I feel guilty,ashamed,depressed.. Somehow.. I'm not crying,or cutting.He died.. Just when he was doing fine,just when I had the idea that everything was going to be okay again.. Max fucking died!! Cant believe I let him do this.. I was so selfish.as soon as max woke up I shouldve asked to talk to him.. But no I decided to give him space.. Now look at what I'm left with! He told the doctor to pull out his machine.. He followed max's orders.. How could you max!? i told you everything was going to be okay.. We were going to be closer than ever,it was my only chance to fix our friendship but he wouldnt even let me! I havent tried enough for him,I'm angry to him for giving up on me..but I'm also angry at me because I gave up on myself.So he did too..
It kept on raining today.. I imagined every raindrop as max's tears.. Every one of them symbolising his pain.I wondered what it would be like for him to live..but I also wondered what it would be like to die.
