Lost In Feelings

What I didn't say

I had therapy today
After a long break
Everything was normal
Same old therapist there
Same old BPD here
We talked about the last few months
And after the session was over I thought...
"I had therapy today
And here's what I didn't say:

I cried myself to sleep last night
Was curled up like a ball
But the tears didn't come out easy
I had to press them out of my eyes
I haven't cried in months
And still it was a fight

Last night I felt incredibly alone
And I didn't wanna be
I wanted to be hold so bad
I wanted someone by my side
I wanted to be a child again
Small, fragile and worthy of comfort and care

I wanted to scream last night
Until my lungs would burst
But all that came out was a whimper
Someone inside me was screaming though
And I think I know who it was...
My broken inner child
Who screamed desperately for their mom

I thought I would feel like this forever
Last night when I cried in my bed
Hugging my stuffie as tight as I could
Hopeless, dejected and sad
And then I had therapy today
Where I wanted to tell everything
But only the gods know why
...this is what I didn't say"