Fangirling w/ the Final Fantasy Seven universe

LOL! MINERVA SO GETS ME!

AN:I do not own the final fantasy franchise, but if I did that remake should be out already. References; try to catch them all.

"I'm bored." The beautiful blonde goddess sighed, looking away from her planet for a minuet to look at earth in it's (polluted' starving, discriminatory) beauty. "I wonder..."

"I wonder?" I looked around my room, puzzled, and wondering if I had become a black, midget version of ninja spider man. "What's got your balls down?"

Amused, Minerva smiled at me. "My planet has become dull. What is your name human?"

I shrugged. "Ya know, many things like; awesome, or 'would you like to step into my bed'?" I wiggled my eyebrows teasingly. "If you're bored, just read some Fanfiction."

I felt my computer chair disappear beneath me, and I hissed as sunlight fell on my skin. "Ahh it burrnnssssss!!" I hissed. "Oh beautiful maiden that whisp'rs drunk prophesies in thy ear, why doust thee bestow a fate to creul on thy- a mere nymph hostage to the fairness of sweet yaoi love!" I fell to my knees dramatically. "Doust thou not know the solemnity a comput'r screen off'r's?"

Somewhere on planet earth, Minerva took a sip of her Starbucks coffee, texted away on my phone and flushed furiously as she read the Fanfiction on my computer. "Oh dear..."

On Gaia, a flip phone vibrated in my pocket and I stared at it wide eyed. "Whoooaaaa its an ancient species! Funny this looks like the PHS in Final Fantasy Seven."

Dear Lyumia,

I have made you the new Goddes of Gaia, and thank you for giving me the passwords for all your Fanfiction accounts.

Love,
Minerva.

I blinked at the phone. Happily, I put my hands on my hips with a snort. "Just wait till she discovers homework." Oh well might as well make the best of it. "Magic! Midgar, Shinra, fast travel, teleporting thing mibobber! Activate! Take me to Chocobo butt!"

The grass disappeared and metal appeared under my bare feet. Infantrymen gaped at me- some letting out 'manly' shrieks as I stood over the familiar Cloud Strife, with his wild spikes sleeping soundly. "CLOUD! LETS WHISPER TO EACH OTHER IN SUPER SECRET CONVERSATION!!!!" I whispered into his ear.

Blue eyes snapped open and he blinked at me, dumbfounded. "Who are you?"

"I'm the substitute Goddess!" I grinned pulling him out of bed. "Come on I have to get you into SOLDIER so you can have yaoi- I mean...achieve your dream."

He looked at me suspiciously as I skipped through the halls, pulling him along when a SOLDIER stepped in front on me. "Stop. This area is restricted to-"

I jumped back, assuming my Falcon pose. "SUPER SECRET ASS KICKING FUJIOSHI OTAKU SECRET ART NUMBER THREE!! FALCON....PUNCH!!!!!!!!" The man doubled over in pain, grasping his crotch with a yelp, he fell to the floor. "Come on Cloudy!" I skipped into Lazard's office, who stared at me in confusion as I embraced him tightly. "Yay! You're not dead! That's so good too cause Cloudy here needs some-" I snapped my fingers and Cloud changed into his older self as he looked down at himself in shock," Needs to talk to Sephy about his mommy issues!"