𝙿𝚞𝚣𝚣𝚕𝚎𝚜

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟷𝟽

Quick content warning: Emetophobia/Mention of vomiting

–

You recklessly tried to fix yourself that drink you needed. Just one more to help you sleep. You were still shaky from all the attention when you clutched onto the bottle of vodka and dumped it into a cup. You missed at first, and the bitter liquid spread quickly across the counter. You didn't mind the spill and continued to pour at least two shots before filling the cup to the brim with whatever pink juice sat in front of you. Your eyes were too crossed to read the label.

You knocked back the drink, chugging away the resentment that ate away at you. Chugged away the confusing thoughts and lingering embarrassment from giving Armin a lap dance. The drink flowed down your throat with ease, and you felt a syrupy-sweet drizzle from the corner of your mouth. You tossed the empty cup aside.

"Are you okay?"

There were two Sashas standing in the doorway. You narrowed your eyes until your vision settled and there was only one Sasha. She looked concerned – maybe a bit irked – but mainly concerned.

"Just peachy," you answered.

It looked like she didn't believe you. She walked over and leaned against the counter. Her eyes studied the empty cup and then the mess you made. She frowned when she looked at your face directly.

"Why didn't you tell me that you and Eren kissed?" she asked.

You despised the seriousness that fell over the room. "I don't know."

"Seriously." You could tell she was trying her best to maintain an upbeat tone despite her growing frustration with you. "Why does it feel like I'm the last one to know?"

Because you were. "I don't–"

"Cut the crap!" She did that thing again. She grabbed you by the shoulders and shook you around. The last time she did it this vigorously was when you were ten years old, probably. It made your stomach flop. "Do you not trust me? I thought we were best friends."

"Of course I trust you. I just–"

"Don't give me another excuse. Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything. Especially when one of them is kissing your other best friend! How could you keep the fact that you and Eren are dating a sec–"

"Because I don't even know what the fuck is going on!" You were loud. Really loud. Her words threw you into a fit of anger. No, not her words – just that one word.

Dating.

Panic started to set in. Throat-tightening, gasping-for-air panic. Your skin felt like it was on fire, and you wanted nothing more than to shed it. All those emotions that you pushed away were bubbling up into your throat.

Sasha was right: best friends were supposed to tell each other everything. The embarrassing bits and all. You never held back with Sasha before, and nothing was ever a secret between the two of you. The foundation of your friendship was built on late nights filled with gushing about your crushes, your first kisses, and your first loves. But now, you had more secrets than you could count. Every single one of them had to do with Eren.

Was this even dating? Sure, you had the cutesy labels of boyfriend and girlfriend, but this didn't feel like dating. Relationships weren't meant to be kept secret. They weren't supposed to be the culmination of forbidden touches and hidden feelings – feelings that you quite literally had to pry out of one another.

Your friends weren't supposed to be surprised when they found out you were together, but it smacked them out of the blue. One minute everyone thought you were just friends, and then the next, they were learning you had been fucking around the whole time.