Don't Hide Feelings

There is Truth and There is Pain

Clarke-

I arrive in TonDc shortly after I see Lexa. She hasn't said a single word the whole entire time and I am not one to break silences. It hurts to see Lexa so surprised to see me but she must feel like I do, scared and uncertain. She must not show weakness to her people and I know for a fact that she and her people consider love as weakness. But who knows maybe she doesn't love me... We will just have to wait and see,

"Clarke of the sky people, I would like to know why you are here." This is not the Lexa I know and love, this is the commander side of her that is rough and tough as a nail.

"I am here to see you Lexa, we have an alliance between our people and that alliance means not ignoring each other. We need to get back into the habit of talking to each other and not hating it." I can not believe I just said that. I see the visible emotion ripple across Lexa's face but then it's gone just like that. I did exactly what I did with Bellamy, and what she did to me. Could she be possibly thinking that I am trying to get pay back? God sometimes I wish I could read Lexas mind!

We walk into TonDC without another word. The agreed silence between us feels nice for about five seconds and then I'm burning to ask how she's been, what she's done, and why hasn't she talked to me? All these questions and no answers feels awful and I need to speak. But I will not break the silence, especially with the Heda.

Octavia-

It's been three days since I last heard from Bellamy. Actually make that any sky person. It's not like him to just back off like that, he usually makes himself very prominent, to the point where I can not hide. If he is backing off this much it usually means that he is either sick or mad at me. But the fact that no sky person has even told me of his whereabouts makes me even more concerned. Maybe I shouldn't be, maybe I'm being almost as protective as him. But I put that to the back of my mind because I've already absentmindedly started walking back to Camp Jaha.

Lexa-

The Skai Prisa is here. She is standing next to me! I can not believe I didn't know, where were my scouts, where were my guards! Not that I mind, if I had known that she was coming I would've been prepared, instead I have to suffer the awkward silence between us.

"Clarke of the sky people, I would like to know why you are here." Was that too harsh? I wish I had known she was coming...

"I am here to see you Lexa, we have an alliance between our people and that alliance means not ignoring each other. We need to get back into the habit of talking to each other and not hating it." Yes I was definitely too harsh. I need to learn to adjust to Clarke. I need to put my commander mode behind me and- wait what am I thinking? My people can not see me weak! Love IS weakness. We walk into TonDC silently.

Octavia-

I walk into Camp Jaha happy. I'm about to see Bellamy! The only thing that could dampen my mood is if Bellamy is mad at me, which I am convinced he is not. I'm starting to recognize people, being back here makes me realize how different it is with the grounders. As nice as they are, I don't really know anyone besides Indra, Lexa, and Lincoln. Speaking of Lincoln! Me and him and going to be married! Oh all the things I want to tell Bell!

"Octavia!" I turn around. Raven!

"Raven! I can not believe how long it's been!" I sound thrilled, maybe a little too thrilled, Raven looks like she hasn't slept in months.

"O you need to come with me right now."

"Raven are you alright? You look-"

"Octavia! I know what I look like! You need to come with me now." Ok now I'm scared.

"Ok Raven lead the way." She starts heading towards Bellamy's tent and my legs start wobbling. Why hadn't he greeted me? Was he really that mad?

"Octavia, I'm sorry that I have to tell you this but, but Bellamy's dead" this was the final blow. I couldn't take this, could anyone? My eyes started to tear up and the next thing I know I'm crying uncontrollably.

"O, he left a note for you..." wait, was his death planned?

"Raven I, what happened?" I can't take any more. My brother is gone forever and I never got to say goodbye.

"Abby didn't tell me exactly what happened but she did say that he took his own life with a knife. I'm so sorry O, I wish you had known. I wish someone had known!" my head is throbbing and I can't think straight. All I know is I want to see that note,

"Raven can I please have the note? I need to say goodbye some how." I sigh

"Sure O, come with me." We enter his tent and I immediately see the note that is marked Octavia in sloppy handwriting. I take a deep breathe and open the envelope-

Dear Octavia,

I hope you understand that in this world my being could not just go on. This is a cruel, cruel world full of hate and killing and I can't take it anymore. Clarke left me, and I hardly ever see you. I want to see mom O, I miss her, I miss you! I just can't take it! I love you but I have to go. Tell Clarke I love her O, tell her that even though she left me I love her. Octavia I love you so much, I love you to the moon and back and I know how hard this will be for you, but honestly it's for the best. I love you so, so much,

Goodbye O,

Bellamy.

{lol I'm sry}

{lol no I'm not}