girl afraid (not permanent title lol)

chapter six - anita & carol

ANITA

Of course I'd heard about them. You know, the people who get 'involved' with the same sex. Homosexuals, gays or lesbians, btu I don't think I'd ever consider myself to be one.

     But why did you kiss Carol back then, Anita? A voice says to me.

     Why do you feel all funny around boys but perfectly okay around girls, like Carol, Anita? Another pipes up.

     "Shh," I shush the voices.

     "What's that?" Barb asks me from the seat next to me. I realise where I am, in the middle of a lesson. "Oh, nothing," I lie, "just shooing a fly away." She hums.

When I'm walking to my next class, I'm dazed. I know where I'm walking, which steps to take and where the dips to watch for are, but my mind is blank and I'm staring into space.

     Until I bump into someone.

     "Neets, hey," Carol says to me with a smile. "Hey, Carrie, where you going?" I ask. "P.E. Shoot me," she says, and I laugh. "Well, I gotta run, but see you after?" I ask, and she nods.

     I catch up with Barb and the rest.

_________________________________________________________

CAROL

One of Barbie's friends? Seriously?

     Of course I had to go and kiss her, too. She was becoming MY friend, too, and I ruined it all. We were fine before and we're fine now, but every time I see her I am reminded of my embarrassing myself, and I think she is too. I don't know why I did it.

     She did kiss back, though...

    Maybe she just thought she didn't have a choice. Stupid.

The bell rings, and it's lunch. I obviously have nobody to sit with, so I take my time. Slowly packing everything into my bag, picking my mess up slowly-

     "Hey, can we eat lunch together?" A sweet voice pipes from the door. It's not my teacher, so I look up, and my eyes are greeted with the sweetest sight: Anita.

     "Yeah, of course, come here," I say, and I hurry my pace, practically throwing the kit back into the bag.

     "Let's go," I chuckle.

    
Once we sit down, I get my food out. "So, why are you sitting with me?" I ask her. She swallows a bite of her sandwich. "I don't know. I like Barb and all, but I like talking to you better. Don't tell her. You're more fun." I laugh, "I know. Barbie's all about boys and stuff. Don't know how you can take it. I'd get bored in a second," I say, but seconds later I realise it may have sounded like I was trying to say something else.

     I try to backtrack. "I-"
     "Yeah, I can get bored of it, too. I mean, yeah, the other gender, woo-hoo, but I'd rather talk about something we all enjoy." She says. I smile. "Right?" I say.

"I just realised, I don't actually know what you like," Anita says to me. "Huh," I reply. "You know, Neets, I don't know that about you, either." We both chuckle.

     "So what do you-" we both say at the same time with a smile. "You go first," I say, and she nods. "Well, I quite like drawing. I don't think I'm Picasso or anything, but I think it's relaxing and fun. What about you?" She asks. Art, huh.

     "I like music. Just listening to it. I'm not a big player, but my Mom used to force Barbie and I to play instruments as kids, before they got sick of us begging to quit. I played piano. Boring, I know, but I don't know, I think I'm halfway-decent." I babble.

     "Real talk," I say, and she scoots forward. "What's your favourite band?" I ask. She thinks, almost deep in thought for a minute, and I admire her features.

     Big luscious lips covered in lipgloss, a sharp jawline and naturally blushed cheeks. Olive skin, and the most wonderful locks you ever saw.

     "The Smiths," she replies. I'm surprised. "Really? I didn't peg you for a Morrissey fan," I say. "Well, here I am, revealing my hideous truth," she chuckles. "What about you?" She asks me. There's no hesitation.

     "Bon Jovi. I like their songs. And other rock, some more heavy, but I like Bon Jovi." I replied. She tilts her head and smiles.

     "Is that what was on the shirt you gave me?" She asks. That night, again. I swallow the embarrassment. "Yeah, it was," I say.

"Can we talk about that, by the way?" She asks. I play dumb, and bite my lip. "Talk about what?" I ask. She looks at me dully. "You kissed me, Carrie. I kissed back, and I want to talk about it. If you want, obviously," she says. I think, but it would only be fair to her. "Yeah, of course we can talk about it," I say, and the end of lunch bell goes.

"See you soon?" She says. "Yeah, sure. You wanna come over tonight? Barb'll be gone, though," I suggest. "Yeah, of course," She says, slightly...eagerly?
     "Why will she be gone?" Anita asks. "Another party." I say. "Okay, I'll just make up something about... a period or whatever. See you soon!" She waves goodbye and walks to class.

     I don't know, really, what I expected her to say, but I really did feel like she was gonna blow me off, just like everyone did for perfect Barbie.

I just wish I didn't like her so damn much.