For Peace

4. Golden Blood

The minutes and the scenery passed, but Seonghwa couldn't divert his mind from the horrid fresh memory ingrained behind his eyelids. Every time he gave in to their insistent draw to close for a few moments and take a breath from the stinging pain in his chest, the image of the mangled crusaders resurfaced. After he had seen so much of the world and met such different people, his head was scarily good at recreating the scene that had left such a scar in his mind.

He didn't dare eat ever since, even when Yunho suggested for him to try, so his body wouldn't waste its energy.

Nobody dared mention the incident again, as if staying mute could help them forget. With a few exceptions, Seonghwa was sure almost everyone's minds were stuck on the same matter.

Jongho felt Seonghwa's gazes on him, full of dread and consternation about how he once lived in this world. Now that Seonghwa knew of the reality behind the crusades' honourary cause, the pain of Jongho's attempted suicide echoed in his heart. He, too, wouldn't be able to bear such a story.

Now that he understood bits beyond the veil, Seonghwa was even more impressed by how Jongho had returned to a purpose. Whatever he saw in Seonghwa was powerful enough to rekindle his faith. What had Seonghwa done to deserve such loyalty? Had his belief and his kindness been in the right place for once?

After a long day of wandering in apprehension about finding such a grim place once more, Jongho caved. He caught up with Seonghwa while Hongjoong was gone to interview Yongguk about the Red lands and opened his mouth to talk. His tone was tinny, like that of a fresh soldier reporting to his commander. All emotion was shielded from him for only the facts counted.

"I spent two years out here. My first missions after my training period were simple. I guarded towns, checked on travel routes and accompanied trading caravans past notorious attack spots those like Wooyoung fancy. When I was told I would get to go eradicate the lands of the Red plague, I was thrilled. My youth and vigour came in handy to my higher-ups. They planned to have me use as much of it as possible."

Seonghwa gulped. Already, he felt unfair to Jongho. His commanders never cared about him as a person, solely how his energy could be utilised to kill as many as possible before his flame died out.

"I grew up very devout. My parents were seamsters, and they used to take me and my sister to church thrice a week. I liked the idea of God because He promised peace and harmony. Kindness for all."

Jongho's eyes looked ahead over the horns of Hongjoong and Mingi respectively, and into the far meadows. The tall grass moved with the breeze like waves.

"I never doubted Him. I readily joined the crusaders to make my parents proud. My earnings provided for my family and nothing was more honourable to me than to protect our people and purge evil."

Mindless fingers full of callouses ran over Jongho's sword. The grip was polished, as was the glinting surface of the wings decorating the pommel.

"The reality was nowhere as blessed by shining light. Morden was grimy, full of death, and the stench of black magic. The savages never talked with their mouths, always using their blades. I saw more companions sliced open than days I can count spending with my family. The stench of their guts rotting under the blazing sun lingers in my nose, even after all this time. I lost good friends there. Horses, dogs, weapons. All sense of humanity and justice, as well. There was only slaughtering and then begging for praise from God like starving men once the sun sank and bathed the blood around us in orange."

Seonghwa's empty stomach twisted and cramped at the image Jongho painted. Once more, he was glad not to have given in to the urge to eat earlier.

"One day, we lost almost our entire squad. We were deep in Red territory, starving for days, unwashed and unshaven. There was no backing out of their ambush. I looked death in the eye that day and he asked me why I was doing this. Why I was wasting my life for a cause that would never be mine to relish."