A Second Wave-The Surge

Chapter 10-Shelby

Chapter 10

Shelby

The walk to my apartment was tiring but it felt good to be out in fresh air even though the clouds are overcast today. The streets are not as empty as I thought they would be, but I am glad to see most people wearing a mask. My fingers periodically make their way to the side of the mask with my wound. I am grateful for having to wear a mask although I feel guilty for feeling that way. If we were not in the middle of a pandemic, I wouldn't have a mask on but I wouldn't want anyone to see my face. I don't ever remember feeling this insecure about my looks. I now have a great appreciation for the behavioral part that goes with having an injury. It is not only the physical part that has to heal but how you feel about yourself.

Once I make it to my apartment building, I am thankful the concierge is not in the lobby. I quickly make it to the elevator and push the button. The door opens immediately and I enter, pressing the button to my flow. Luckily, I am alone on the elevator. When I reach my floor, I have my keys in hand and open the door to my apartment. A sense of security comes over me. I feel safe, safer than I have felt lately. Walking further in, I drop my bag and keys on the dining room table and something feels off. A sense of alarm fills me. I look around to see if anything is out of place and it seems like everything is there but something is not right.

I walk into the kitchen and decide to make a cup of tea to calm my nerves, convincing myself that it is just my mind playing tricks on me with everything that has just happened. My hand reaches for the cupboard door to grab a cup and Simon's face appears. He is looking down at me, our bodies inches apart. He brings his hand to my cheek and says something but I can't hear him. Just as quickly as the image came in it fades out. Why do I keep having these intimate images of Simon in my head? I shake the feeling off and finish making my tea while running through a list of items that I need to complete for work before I fly out to Brazil.

Before I get to work, I walk back into the living room and gaze out the window at the city below. I should make a list of what I need to do. Frank is right, I could have some partial injury to my brain and I need to see why I have these lapses. Once I am at my desk, I grab a paper and pen and start my list. Call Carol, let her know I am okay, have her book me a new flight to Brazil, check to see if Simon was told about his partnership and if he accepted it, see what areas of concern with the virus we are helping with and get a new phone. Rereading the list, I feel better that I have covered everything. Ready to call Carol, I go to my bag first to grab my laptop and see what emails I have missed. As the laptop loads up I dial Carol's number.

"Shelby!" she screams into the phone. "Are you okay? Where are you?" She continues her voiced rush.

"Carol, I am fine." I realize I probably should have called earlier. I was not in any condition to call. By the sound of her voice she sounds so worried. I wonder if Simon was worried? I continue to listen to Carol.

"We have been searching for you since the accident. Simon has been going out of his mind." Just as she says his name a comforting feeling comes over me. I am glad Simon is okay and part of me wants to see him in person. I push the thought for now out of my head as I need to take care of business.

"I didn't have my phone, plus I was out of it." I am not sure how to tell her where I was.

"I'm sorry, I am just so relieved you are okay. You are okay?" she questions.

"I know and yes, I am fine. I have some injuries to my face and other parts of my body, nothing life threatening. All in all I am fine."

"Injuries!" She gasps.

"Relax, it is not as bad as it sounds. A retired soldier found me. I must have walked away from the accident dazed, but I woke up on his couch. Lucky for me he was a medic in the service. I got a large gash on my cheek that he sewed up. The rest are just bumps and bruises." I leave out the part about memory lapses. It isn't that I don't trust Carol but I want to find out for myself if there is any brain damage before I share the news.

"Why didn't he bring you to a hospital?" she interrupts.

"Long story, which we can go over another time. Right now, I need to get to Brazil and I need to be updated on what I missed," I say with an authoritative tone.

"Okay," she says, taking a deep breath. "Well, I talked to Simon right after the accident. We spent the first day trying to find you. The company's attorney called the next day, explaining that they needed to speak to Simon about something. Which now I know was about his partnership. An announcement has been made to the company."

"So, he accepted it." A smile comes over my face, causing a moment of pain that I ignore. I am so happy Simon accepted the promotion. He deserves if for all his hard work before and even now. I reflect on the time we spent together and how great he was. But I am missing something. There are bits of black holes in my memories and that's so frustrating. It is like my mind is telling me something I am not getting, but I can't figure out what it is.

"Are you there?" Carol asks.

"Yes, sorry, go on."

"After that we had requests from Florida, Arizona, and Texas. Not sure if you have seen what has been going on."

"I did see when I finally woke up about the horrible incident and the protests around the world and yes, I did see how the southern belt was starting to surge. What did Simon set up and what did you tell Brazil?"

"We, told Brazil you would be delayed a few days, which works out now. For the states, Simon sent someone to Arizona and he is in Florida now and then is going to Texas. He also completed an interview about the virus, I can send it to you."

"Yes, that would be great. I have my laptop, but not a phone." I finish going over what I need Carol to do. I let her know to book me a ticket for Brazil tomorrow and have a phone delivered tonight to the apartment. I let her know that as soon as I get settled, I will reach out to Simon also. It's not that I don't want to talk to Carol, but I am starting to get tired and I have many things to do before I leave.

After hanging up with Carol, I make my way into my bedroom to get clothes to take a nice hot shower. My body is still sore and it will feel good to get clean. The bed has been slept in. It's made but not the way that I do it. I look around thinking the worst, that someone is in my apartment and will attack me when I least expect it. I open the closet doors, look under the bed, and nothing. I sit on the bed for a minute looking around to see if anything is missing. I glance over my shoulder slightly to the head of the bed and the vision of Simon sitting up slightly shirtless appears with a big grin on his face. He looks hot, I say to myself. I close my eyes, shaking my head slightly. I'm not sure I want the image to go away and I'm trying to figure out why I keep seeing them. All I know for sure when I open my eyes is that the image is gone along with the warm feeling I had when I saw him. Why is my body reacting like that? There has to be an explanation. Maybe I can tell Simon about the visions, maybe he can help me understand why. Our relationship has always been very professional. I know a little about his personal life from working late nights with him. I have trusted only one man in my life. He was the last.

I stand up with my clothes in hand and head to the bathroom thinking that is not a good idea. One, it would probably make him uncomfortable and two, it would be very inappropriate for me to say something like that to a colleague. Once I am in the bathroom, I let the shower warm up the room. I take my bandage off and lean into the mirror. My cheek is definitely disfigured and I cringe at my reflection.

Tears start before I can even stop them. I don't even know why I am crying. Not even caring that I should stop, I let the feelings come out of me through the tears. For the first time in a very long time, I wish I wasn't alone.

After I don't even know how long, my tears start to subside and I rationalize with myself that I have had a significant trauma and it will take time. I am an expert at that and work will help distract me. Though this trauma is about me, and before I can stop it the vision of Charles's accident plays in my head in slow motion. I can't even stand anymore and I sit on the shower floor, letting the water mix with the tears.