A Second Wave-The Surge

Chapter 18-Simon

Chapter 18

Simon

My eyes flutter open with the sun hitting them, causing me to immediately close them again. Opening them slowly my head starts to pound and I remember the wine I drank. I am never drinking that much again. As I wake up I feel that my chest is bare and then realize that I am completely naked and panic sets in.

The panic is realized when I feel a soft arm around my waist and I slowly look over, hoping that it is my Shelby but I then see blond hair sprawled across the pillow. Flashes of the night start filling my head, making me nauseous. I just cheated on Shelby. How could I have done that? The same feeling I had when my fiancé cheated on me fills me and the nauseous feeling gets stronger. I had told myself a long time ago I may be a man but would never cause anyone to feel the way I did. I'd rather communicate or not be in a relationship if it would cause that kind of pain. It can be a pain that is life altering, something you try to get over but really never do. You just go through life telling yourself you are okay.

Then I found Shelby and the hurt went away and now I have ruined it. I slide out of bed not to wake up Samantha. Not that I am a coward and cannot talk to her but I do not know what even to say. Once I find my clothes, I grab a bottle of water as I will need to hydrate. When I am dressed, I make my way down the hall to my room. The water is finished as I open my door. I go straight to the coffee maker and decide on a black tea. It has the caffeine and it reminds me of Shelby. I pull out my phone and I see a text. She said that she called but I did not answer. She figured I was sleeping so did not want to call again. It was nothing urgent.

Anger sets in not at her but at myself. I always told Shelby that I would be there for her. The first time she reaches out to me and what am I doing? Having dinner and getting drunk with another woman. Not to mention what I really have done. I start blaming Shelby for my behavior. If she had not forgotten about us none of this would have happened. I quickly correct my thoughts. None of this is her fault. I have no one to blame but myself as I lay down on the bed for a minute, hoping my head will clear. I try to remember the events of the night but my head will not cooperate. I vaguely remember Samantha and me kissing and her pink dress but the rest is blurry. Since I woke up naked, I can only imagine what happened.

Not knowing what to do with myself, I glance over at the clock. My plane leaves in a few hours. I realize I need to get my head clear and follow up on the data for my Texas presentation and check emails for any other work-related items. I need to figure out when I can call Shelby with the time difference and our busy schedules.

I make another cup of tea and grab a juice from the refrigerator. Digging through my bag I find some aspirin and take them with the juice. I pick out my outfit. The whole time thinking what am I going to tell Shelby? I cannot keep it from her, but I cannot even confess it to her as she does not even remember us. Before taking a shower, I sit down in front of my laptop after making my tea. The warmth of the tea is soothing and my massive headache is starting to subside, clearing my thoughts. I take a couple more sips as my screen comes to life and pull up the model.

The information has loaded and the numbers come out as I expected, actually they remind me of the Italy numbers. Moving my fingers over the keys, I review and answer some work emails. Once I am done, I finish my tea and decide on a shower. I decide to text Shelby and let her know my plans and that hopefully if both our schedules allow we can talk when I get settled in Texas. Professional, but I add at the end that I am sorry I missed her call and looking forward to catching up. Not sure if the last part is for her or for the guilt I feel.

Once in the bathroom, I start the shower allowing the room to steam up. When I step in I let the warm water cover my body. Dipping my head under the water hoping to hydrate myself and ease the headache that has not completely gone away. I let the water hit my shoulders, trying to relax them. The tension that I feel is overwhelming and being hungover does not help. The water does not seem to help the tension and I start getting angry not with anyone else but myself. "What an idiot!" I say out loud, hoping to make the forgiveness come into my head but it does not work. This is messed up in so many ways. One, workwise, I still have two more interviews to do with Samantha per our company's contract. She did say she would not use any of it for her stories. I can only imagine the header. "Physician lets off steam during the pandemic." Flashes of the evening start forming in my head. I remember kissing but much after that is not there.

What is really weird is now I can actually tell Shelby I know how she feels not remembering things. How can I tell her? She will be livid, and if she ever remembers us she would never forgive me. I start thinking about Samantha. I probably should have had a conversation with her. It is the decent thing to do. If I come clean about my feelings about Shelby, hopefully she will understand. When it comes to matters of the heart you never know how to react. I do not want to hurt her feelings but being honest I truly believe it gives people the closure they need. Imagine a world where we did not play games when it comes to the heart. Maybe Samantha does not want a relationship. It then pops in my head her words before one of the interviews. How lucky a woman would be with a catch like me.

I finally decide to be diplomatic about the whole thing and think of a logical resolution. I am going to have a conversation with Samantha and with Shelby. I will tell Shelby but just have to find the right time to do it. I do not think it is a conversation I want to have over the phone. Not being able to see her face and her reactions. Shelby is not someone with a very good poker face, she truly wears her heart on her sleeve. When we were sitting in the breakroom and I kissed her the expression on her face when our kiss stopped. I knew she wanted it as much as I did. Her lips were so soft and when I brought her body closer to me her breast pressed against my chest.

My hand starts moving over me and I imagine Shelby is in here with me as I close my eyes. The release that comes mixed with the water evaporates all the worries I have. Not wanting to come to reality, I leave my eyes closed envisioning Shelby laying next to me asleep in bed. She looked so peaceful.

The water starts to feel cooler, limiting my time left in the shower and my eyes open, losing the images of Shelby and bringing reality back. I finish washing and step out into the steamy bathroom. Once I am dressed, I look at my phone checking the time but lying to myself as I am really seeing if Shelby texted me back. Nothing, nothing at all. I finish getting my stuff together to head to the airport. Before leaving, I look around the room to make sure I have not forgotten anything. With my mask in hand to put on, I find myself staring at it and thinking. I do not have anything if I do not have Shelby. I may lose her forever from my dumb mistake.

Life is not the same now and not sure if it ever will be. It was as if the world is telling us it was time to slow down and maybe remember when things were simple and the people of the world generally cared about each other. I still remember when I was leaving Italy after Shelby cut her trip short to take care of her brother. On the way to the airport to go to New York the driver stopped at a light and the most beautiful sound was heard. I rolled down my window and looked over at the apartment complex on the side. A man was playing his saxophone on his small porch and slowly others appeared on each of their porches. One by one life came out not close but still creating a connection we all need. I still remember wishing Shelby could have seen it. The comfort and empathy the man showed with his simple gesture of offering music to his fellow neighbors. That is what true humanity is all about. That is where we need to get to. Shelby's face appears in my thought and she is smiling as one of her patients is being discharged home. I am in the distance and she does not see me. She brings her hand up to her eye, catching a tear.

Shelby is like the saxophone player, a true humanitarian. She is what this world needs. She is what I need and will always need.

I put my mask on and close the door. Hoping that the next door opens to a better world.