RULED Part 2: A Fairy Tale Reform School Short Story

Trixie the Wise

What do I do now? That's a lot of stuff I just unpacked. A lot of feelings that have been buried deep down for a long time. What am I even doing with my life? Is this what an existential crisis feels like? All I've done while being back at the Cobbler boot is sleep, change diapers, and cry while begging "stop crying" to a baby (which is very ineffective, might I add, but often feels like the only thing in my power to do). Oh yeah, and my huge rant to Anna. It's been two days since that happened and Jax is supposed to be coming back tonight.

"Gilly?" Mother says kindly. "Would you like to save breakfast for later?" She's probably noticed the large bowl of porridge that I haven't touched. Last night, I didn't even eat the mushroom stew Mother made for me because she knows it was my favorite growing up!

"I don't know anymore," I respond and throw my head in my crossed arms on the table. "I can't do it. I can't do anything. I can't even eat. I can't be a queen, I can't be a mother, I can't be a wife. I was never even meant to be a queen, or a mother, or a wife."

Mother strokes the back of my hair and I hear footsteps walking away, which are undoubtedly my siblings because my mother just gestured above my head for them to leave us alone. I look up at my mother's sorrowful face. "Come on, you can't honestly say that this is the future you expected of me! All my life, I was dedicated to this family. To feeding this family, caring for this family, and I was training to take over the family business. Not the kingdom! I never had any time in my life for anything else. Marriage was never even a thought that ever crossed my mind until Jax proposed to me on a whim after we wrecked his wedding.

"Even before that when I was training to be in the Enchantasia Police Squad, at least that was more of me," I go on. "I could be wild, daring! Training was exciting! Jumping through obstacles, fighting crime hands-on. That's where I'm supposed to be. That's who I am. But now, I'm a queen and a mother and a wife!"

Mother's eyes have grown even more sorrowful which makes me feel even worse. I sigh deeply. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's coming over me."

"I do," Mother responded. "You just had a child! Do you know how freaked out I was when I first had you? I doubted myself more than I thought was possible." I breathlessly smirk at this comment. "But now, with Elie, this is a whole new situation. There is a lot of weight on your shoulders that I just can't imagine, and it's truly not fair. But you do have responsibility now, and you can do this." I give her a deadpan expression. "I'm serious! If anyone can do this, it's you. What happened to that spunky, instinctual, take any bullet that comes your way kind of spirit I know from my daughter? I see it slipping away from you, and all I can do is ask you to never lose sight of it."

I sit up a little straighter. "You know what? You're right! I didn't become a hero by telling myself that I couldn't do it!" I slouch back over. "But this time, I really don't think I can do it. Not just for me, but for Elie, the whole kingdom...Jax..." I add Jax's name under my breath.

"That's just your fear pyching you out," I hear another voice source from behind me and know that it belongs to Trixie. "Ever since you became queen, you've been letting your fear and doubt control your actions as if to make them 'safer' and 'more reliable', yet you don't even realize that it's your fear that's been limiting you."

I turn around and give Trixie a look that perfectly reflects my confusion with her statement. Mother gets a proud smile on her face. "Trixie has been studying psychology with the hopes of becoming a therapist. She's quite good. I suggest giving her a talk."

"Oh no!" I demand and turn my head back towards Mother. "I do not need a therapist!"

"Sounds like you do," Trixie smirks and I glare at her. "Okay, then how about a sister? Since Anna isn't here right now? You two may know each other more...and bond more because you both fought in a big war where you have all these tragic stories and learned more about each other, so you can now see eye to eye...I may not have fought with you or against you in a life threatening war that turned you both into heroes, but I can have the important sister talks as well." Hearing all of this, matched with her bitter tone, makes me feel a little bad. Okay, a lot bad. Hesitantly, I stand up and make my way over to where she is standing in the doorway between the dining room and the living room. She leads me over to the sofa and has me take a seat.

After a few questions that I reluctantly answer, I go against my best wishes and rehash everything that went down with Jax and I again. This time, to Trixie, and with a lot of expression that I wish I didn't have in me.

"Jax is just not the same person!"

Trixie gives me a deadpan stare. "That's right, he has changed. And so have you. He is no longer that undercover, mischief making, evil genius you met swinging on a chandelier at reform school. Just like how you are no longer a povert preteen thief with no respect and such a fixed view on life." I let out a quick and sharp gasp, trying to let Trixie's words sink in. "It sounds to me like you want Jax to see you for who you are now, yet you are not showing him the same."

"What do you mean by that?" I squint at her.

"You are a queen," Trixie continues. "And a Grimm good one at that. You help your citizens, you understand the workings of a village, and you have grown so much, even since you were married! It probably wasn't a good move to run away during your rule, but you are young, and so is your reign. You need to stop worrying about what you don't want Elie to become, and start worrying about what you do want her to become. If I know you at all, you aren't going let her grow up oblivious to the world and it's problems, and if I know Jax at all, neither will he."

There's a thick silence between us for a while before I finally speak up, "You didn't hear him before. It's like I don't even know him anymore."

Trixie shifts on the sofa and resituates the pillow behind her. "Okay, then think about what you do know about him. You know that he grew up without love and support from his family."

"Exactly!" I agree. "Why would he want that for Elie?"

She shakes her head. "Try to get out of those thoughts and think logically for a minute. Family is unstable to him. Mothers and Fathers, at least. The 'stuff' was all he knew, it's his comfort. It sounds to me like being showered in gifts all his life was the only way he ever got by, so that's what's familiar to him, and he wants Elie to live through what was safe and stable to him."

My eyes catch her gaze for the first time this entire conversation. Holy gingerbread. Why didn't I think of that before?

She keeps going on. "You had a completely opposite childhood. The 'stuff' was unstable to you, whereas the family was. The privilege caused all this anger and hate that you kept with you for so many years, and are still carrying with you now, so you want to avoid that with Elie because it is despised and unfamiliar. Both of you want Elie to find stability in what you both found stability, rather than making her dependant on what you could never rely on. So it results in you both forcing your past on her, even though it's not what either of you truly want for her."

My head is aching so much right now, but for the first time in a long time, the headache is starting to make some resemblance of sense. I hate to admit it, but everything Trixie is saying is totally spot on. I don't know how I didn't see it before. "Wow, you're good."

Trixie gives me a sly side smile. "Thank you. I've been studying for a while."

I sigh. "Only one problem. How do we work through this?"

She shrugs. "I guess that's up to you. I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is help you see it, then it's up to you to decide what you do with it." I give her an annoyed yet amused look and she giggles. "But I can tell you that you have an entire kingdom waiting for you, and nothing is going to get better if you keep moping around here. Not that we don't love having you here!" She quickly adds and we both laugh.

With that, I stand up, brushing my hands on the legs of my pants (I haven't worn pants in so long; everything is all about the dresses now) and begin walking towards the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Trixie asks.

"Back to my kingdom."