Left. Right. Left. Right. Had it always taken so much energy to walk? Where was he going? All he could remember was being told to follow Osomatsu. Maybe he'd been told where they were going, maybe not. Karamatsu wasn't sure, but he was sure he'd remember if it was important.
His older brother was a few paces ahead of him, but continuously looked back at him every few seconds. Why? Did he think Karamatsu would stop following? Did he think Karamatsu would run away? He knew better than to run away again after... What had happened, again? Surely it didn't matter. Nothing but his brothers really mattered.
Karamatsu couldn't figure out what would be the best course of action. Should he walk side-by-side with Osomatsu so he wouldn't have to keep checking on him? No, obviously Osomatsu would hate (hate, hate, hate) having him so close. Should he tell him not to worry, that he'd do as instructed and follow until told otherwise? No, he knew Osomatsu hates (hates, hates, hates) his voice. What should he do? What would make his dear brother happy? What did happiness feel like again? He couldn't remember. That wasn't important.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed, mindlessly following Osomatsu. Eventually, they stopped. He didn't bother looking where they were, eyes glued to the ground.
"Go inside," Osomatsu ordered, opening the door for him. Karamatsu nearly panicked. Idiot! Of course they'd be going inside, why didn't he get the door for Osomatsu first?! Ugh, useless. He was so useless.
He didn't want to keep his brother waiting, so he did as he was told and entered the building. He continued following Osomatsu, a little closer now. Not too close, too close is dangerous right? Why? but closer. He didn't pay attention to what was being said, he wasn't being spoken to. It didn't matter.
Something occurred to Karamatsu, and he looked around for a clock. 11:30 AM. If they didn't hurry back, he wouldn't be able to make even a simple lunch in time! Useless...
"Karamatsu," Osomatsu called. Karamatsu turned his head in Osomatsu's direction, not looking at him, but indicating that he was listening. "Let's go. Follow me."
They went down some hallways and entered a room. Karamatsu hoped they'd be leaving soon. He had to make lunch. He had to be useful to them.
"Sit there," Osomatsu ordered, pointing to a chair. Karamatsu followed the command, sitting down wordlessly.
There was someone else in the room. He didn't look to find out who. It wasn't one of his brothers, so it didn't matter. The person talked with Osomatsu, who took a seat in the chair next to him. He didn't listen to the conversation, instead awaiting his next order, praying it would come.
~~~
"Osomatsu-san, welcome. I understand you will be present for several sessions?"
"Er, yeah, it probably won't work if I'm not here. Well, any of our brothers, but... I wanted to do it." Osomatsu figured he might have to explain the situation, and he was not looking forward to it.
"Oh? And why do you think it won't work?" She pulled out her notebook and pen, preparing to write things as needed.
"He doesn't seem to listen unless it's one of us speaking to him. Chibita, our friend- well, former, I guess, since he cut us off... except Karamatsu. But, he came by to get Karamatsu to go with him and get away from us, but he acted like Chibita wasn't even there; he just did what he's doing now." Osomatsu gestured to his brother, whose gaze was unfocused, staring at nothing.
"Why did your friend want him to leave?
"Oh, uh..." Osomatsu got nervous; he'd been hoping she had been told at least the gist of the situation. "They didn't tell you?"
"I'd like for you to tell me." She didn't give indication if she's been told or not.
"Alright... it's, ah, a bit fucked up, looking back. At the time we- I hadn't realized it but, yeah, it's pretty bad. So, my other brothers and I were bored, so Ichimatsu said we should screw with Karamatsu. We all agreed. So...
"For about five months, we'd mess with his head. Um, make him think not every day had actually happened. And we did that by, um, 'confessing' to him one day, then making him think we hadn't the next. He'd always accept our confessions, and eventually we just convinced him certain relationships were already a thing. Somedays he'd be 'dating' one of us, or some or all of us, or none of us. We wanted to, uh, 'shatter' him, as Ichimatsu put it, but now... we beat him up and now it worked. But we want to fix him. We made a huge mistake. I don't know what the fuck we expected. We just want him to be himself again.
The woman took a few moments to write something down. Osomatsu desperately wanted to know what, but waited patiently for her to finish.
"You say 'shatter', but what do you mean by that?" She asked. When Osomatsu took a bit too long to reply, she clarified. "What were you hoping would happen, if this isn't it?"
Osomatsu glanced at Karamatsu, who was still silent, unhearing, and unfocused.
"I don't know... I guess, maybe, since he's always so, like, confident? No, that's not the word. Cocky? We wanted to knock him down. I don't think we really thought it through. I mean we all know that persona or whatever is just an act. Usually it's annoying, honestly, but it's how he is. We didn't really think something this bad would happen. He'd usually cry somewhere for a few hours and then just bounce back. But he isn't. So. I'm scared he's actually broken."
"'Broken' means the same thing as 'shattered', doesn't it?" She asked, clicking her pen closed and leaning forward once she finished writing. "It seems you've accomplished your goal, then. How do you feel about what you've done?"
Osomatsu thought over his answer for a moment, trying to find the words to describe how badly he regretted everything, how desperate he was to fix things, when something occurred to him.
"Wait- we're here to fix Karamatsu! Not to psychoanalyze me!"
The psychiatrist exhaled out of her nose and shook her head slightly, clicking the pen back open and leaning into her chair.
"Osomatsu-san. After you spend months 'messing' with your brother, in such a way and to such an extent, did you really think your parents didn't think the five of you needed psychiatric help as well?"
Osomatsu was speechless for a moment, before he slumped in his chair, begrudgingly accepting this logic.
"That's... fair, I guess."
The session continued, now focussed more on Osomatsu, but occasionally, she would ask Karamatsu questions as well. These questions from her would go unanswered, unacknowledged, until Osomatsu would repeat the question to him.
The only time he even seemed to move a muscle were when Osomatsu called out to him.
"Karamatsu? How do you feel about me and the others? Our brothers?" Osomatsu's stomach had been in knots through the whole session. He knew that no matter what answer Karamatsu gave, he would hate hearing it.
He was right.
"I love you," Karamatsu said, again turning his head in Osomatsu's direction, but keeping his eyes down, as if he felt he wasn't allowed to make eye contact. "You're all that matters to me. I'll do anything for you."
Tears welled up in Osomatsu's eyes.
"Even after everything we've done to you?? How can you say that?!" Osomatsu almost stood to yell down at the younger, glad he didn't when even his raised voice was enough to make Karamatsu flinch and curl into himself.
"Osomatsu-san, refrain. Yelling at him won't help, you know." Under her breath, she muttered a 'he's been through enough already' that Osomatsu pretended not to hear.
Osomatsu pressed his hands against his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Karamatsu." He said, just before a timer went off, signaling the end of the session.
Truly and deeply, he was so fucking sorry.
