Inked in Pain

Stone Wall

My marriage always confused people who didn't actually know us. To be honest, lately it had been confusing me. Do not conventionally fit together? No. Me in all my 5 feet 3 inches of tattooed sarcastic glory standing next to his 6 feet 5 inches of unapproachable stoic manliness. Most people don't realize that the respectable Brandon Nox was completely covered in tattoos under is perfectly tailored suits. I always loved being one of the very few who knew this, I took even more comfort with the knowledge that all of the beautiful art across the canvas of his skin was put there by me. He trusted me with permanently altering his skin.

What most don't realize is Brandon and I at our very cores were one in the same. We were both brought up on the southside where it wasn't to rough but wasn't exactly always a walk in the park. Our mothers, as most in that neighborhood, took pride instilling the importance of loyalty and family in us.

I can't say we were friends growing up. I knew of him in the same way you know the neighbor down the block, acknowledged but never talked to. He is two years older then me, so we always sort of hovered around the edge of the same friend groups. I can't deny I was always very aware that Brandon was attractive. Olive skin, pitch black hair paired with most unsettling pair of green eyes framed by eyelashes, that I was always in the opinion were wasted on him. He definitely never lacked female company, but he also never got in a relationship.

While he was hot, I always thought he was kind of an asshole. Unless you held some sort of meaning to him, you simply did not exist on his radar. His absolute disregard for others feelings and opinions was unsettling to some at first. Then it seemed to draw them in, the man was a damn magnet. The perfect example of an anti-hero. I would know.

It was during a party back in college, my freshman year, that this gorgeous asshole of a man decided it was my life he wanted to intrude on. At first, I was against this weird budding friendship. Like I said, we were complete opposites. I must of forgotten opposites attract. Brandon was this tall, dark gorgeous frat boy with big asperations of being some hot shot architect. He was logical and thought through the majority of his actions. He had a clear plan of how he wanted his life to play out, and who he wanted in it.

While here I was, the midget with a potty mouth. I didn't have all the ink I do now, but you could always find me drawing on myself. I also had no solid life plan. I refused to make concrete life plans at 19 because what the hell did I know at that age.

Like a magnet he drew me in, and our budding friendship somehow turned into an actual relationship. then, to everyone's shock I was married to Brandon Nox. He taught me that not every situation requires me to drop a f-bomb, and I showed him that some of the best parts of life aren't planned. We were in sync and seemed to always orbit around each other. His eyes were on me the moment I walked in the room, and when I had his attention I had his full attention. I don't think we were co-dependent we just simple grew together. We held each other through all of our lows and celebrated all our highs together.

For seven glorious years, I knew everyday what it felt like to be truly deeply loved for who I am, as well how to return that love back. I was part of a solid unit that's foundation seemed to be built right, during a time when so many others were crumbing. Until one day back around May, I no longer knew what that felt like. I could no longer identify with the woman that was so secure in her standing. If I knew what I know now, I would of stone walled that man from my life.