THE BRAVO BOYS - SNAKE EATER [book three]

Chapter THIRTY FOUR

Logan Nash

"Logan, what's wrong?" Wide azure eyes brimming with worry blink up at me, her gaze eagerly searching mine for answers that I am reticent to give.. To be the bearer of bad news is a heavy burden, one that pains me in an unfamiliar way..

Impatient, Shelby shuffles forward to close the distance between us, reaching for my hand which hangs limply at my side, devoid of all enthusiasm..

If knowledge is power then why do I feel so fucking weak?

I'd give anything to go back, to unknow this awful truth and remain in that blissful ignorance.. To be the messenger only ensures the certainty of being shot, and in this instance I'd prefer a fast bullet than the slow death of witnessing the expression on her beautiful face fall with sadness..

In a reflexive preemptive manoeuvre I draw my hand away, prepared for her smile to sour and her happy demeanor to darken the moment I reveal Iris's secret.. "It's-complicated.. Look we should get you home-" Angling my shoulders towards the exit, I make efforts to get her out of the Specter lobby and away from prying eyes but she doesn't make a move to follow me, firmly standing her ground instead..

"Are you mad at me or something?" She shakes her head, confusion twisting her features into a puzzled frown..

"No, I'm not mad, Barbie.." I sigh, still bitterly irritated by my conversation with the Spymaster and the position she has put me in..
Of course I understand it.. But that doesn't make it any easier..

The way she looks at me is gut wrenching..
It's like shooting Bambi..

"Well you're obviously upset about something." Shelby folds her arms, annoyance spiking her soft tone.. "Is it Iris? Was she trying to recruit you again? I know how much you hate that-"

"No, It's not Iris-I mean- it's not not Iris, but- it's not her fault, at least I don't think it is.." I shake my head, tripping over my explanation, stalling for time just hoping I could find the right words.. "There's just something you should know about and I don't wanna tell you here in case-"

"In case what?" Shelby demands, her shoulders tight and her gaze narrowed in frustration.. "Logan, you're acting so fucking weird.. Just tell me!"

Bracing myself I glance over towards the door, that familiar rising need to escape clawing sharply in my chest and suffocating me so that every breath is a labour.. "Alright- alright.. But let's go outside first, this place makes my fucking skin crawl.."

Nodding towards the exit I set off and to my surprise she follows close behind, understandably confused and getting more annoyed by the second.. Passing by me where I hold the door open for her she side-eyes me and concerned sapphire scotches my soul.. "This sounds bad, Logan- if you're going to break up with me, just fucking do it already- rip the band-aid off.."

"Break up with you?" Out on the sidewalk, finally able to take a breath in the cool evening breeze, I turn to face her.. Except now it's my turn to be confused.. "Does that mean- you think we're together?"

The thud of my pulse quickens and a faint hopeful flicker burns in my chest, only to be extinguished by her reply..

"I didn't mean it like that-" She backtracks quickly, avoiding my gaze and lowering her voice as she notices a couple skirt by us, oblivious to our tenuous exchange.. "Just- I know I haven't been seeing anybody else.. Have you?"

I shake my head slowly.. "Naw.. Not me.."
The last thing I had been expecting was to have the monogamy talk.. I hadn't really given the whole commitment issue much thought.. I was so sure Shelly would tire of me long before the need to define our relationship arose..